Thoughts on Fundraising.

When we started our adoption, I was all in. Reading other peoples' blogs about their journey to their child. Researching everything I could find on Ethiopia. Going to orphan care conferences. I became totally engrossed in the entire topic of adoption and Ethiopia. I even went a mission trip TO Ethiopia while we were waiting for our referral because I just HAD to get there.

I realize now in all of that time, I somehow became bitter about everything adoption. Why did this person get their referral 'before' other people? Not even before us...they just 'skipped' the line. Why didn't this person donate to our adoption? Why didn't this person sacrificially give to us when we needed it most? I started to think things about certain people that I knew weren't donating to something that was so close to my heart. How could they not care about this as much as I do? Are we even friends?

Those thoughts went through my mind a lot and I'm definitely not proud of that. I lost a lot of friendships during our adoption waiting period. I'm confident that most of those friendships weren't healthy anyway and I'm okay with them being gone. But I also know that I pushed a lot of people away because I didn't think they did enough to support us...at least not what I thought they should be doing.

It's selfish, I know. Selfish to think that I know someone's finances better than they do. Selfish for me to think that every single person I have ever met would want to donate to our adoption. Selfish for me to think that people were as invested in our child as we were. No one else was doing the research I was and it really doesn't matter how many times you tell someone there are 5 million orphans in Ethiopia. They have to see it to believe it and to make it real to them. And now I know that that's okay.

I'm not saying that all of our adoption waiting period was bad. We clearly had TONS of people rally with us, pray for us and support us in every way. And I will forever be thankful and grateful for that. I'm just talking about the other side. The other things I was thinking. They're awful and horrible and I know that. But they are still thoughts that went through my mind at the time. I'm not proud of them.

Now I know I'm in a much better place. When we were adopting, there was this cloud over my whole life...the adoption cloud. And that's not a bad thing if it doesn't take over your life. But for me, when I get obsessed with something, I get obsessed with something. And it becomes unhealthy. And that's what happened when we were fundraising. I was always waiting for this person and that person to donate. And why didn't this other person care enough about us and our child halfway around the world to do something to help us? How could they not see how huge this was??

Like I said, I'm not proud of thinking all of this. But it's the truth. That was my reality. And now I know better. I realize that I will never know everyone's finances. I used to think, 'Why can't each person I know just donate $10??' But really, how could I ever know if that's in their budget? I can't. Because I'm not them. And all of that was so selfish of me to think that every person should donate to us.

Obviously we got funded in a crazy fast amount of time and we had all the money we needed before Kalkidan ever came home. And I am SO grateful for that. I'm so thankful for each person that sacrificed their time and money to help us bring Kalkidan home. Every one of those people will forever be a part of her story and we couldn't have done it without all of them. But ultimately, God is the One that brought her home. He's the One that changed hearts to give financially to our adoption. He knew that we would get fully funded crazy fast and I didn't need to have any of those negative thoughts about anyone.

So right here, right now, I'm letting go of them. I'm not going to feel bad about thinking those things anymore. I'm putting it at the feet of Jesus. Forgiving myself for those thoughts and letting Jesus take control of my thoughts. I know that thinking those things was not right. It took so much time and energy to obsess over something so trivial while God was moving mountains the whole time anyway. And I will always be thankful for God bringing each person into our lives because their funding brought us our Kalkidan. And she saved us in so many ways.

*Comments have been turned off because I don't need anyone's negative thoughts on my old ways of thinking. Thanks for understanding!*

Priority Changes and Good Days.

Today was a good day. It's only been two days since I wrote a very brief post on the mother that I want to be to my children and the ways that I feel I have failed them so far in their little lives, but I see the changes coming out in me already. And this has NOTHING to do with me being awesome and EVERYTHING to do with Christ being awesome IN me. I'm fighting my selfish desires every day. I thought I was fighting them before, but now I know I am. And it's only because of Jesus that I have the ability to do it, even on such a tiny scale.

Before my huge revelation the other night (I mean, it was HUGE. I was broken, in tears, laying in bed just journaling over and over and over.) I would just be waiting for the clock to get to 1pm so I could put everyone down for their naps. And I would do it as fast as possible so I could get on the computer, watch a tv show, read my book, etc. Anything for just ME...no doing chores or thinking about anything else but myself and how to make me happy for a couple hours. But now, now I see how ridiculous that was. I would make Makayla sit in her room for Quiet Time for two, maybe three, hours a day. Just because I didn't want to have to answer the questions she asks or do something else that I just don't want to do.

It's making me feel very raw to write this all out there for public consumption, but I'm just keeping it real. This blog is my life and this is the season I'm in right now. Take it or leave it.

I see now how much I ignored my beautiful and precious daughters. And I don't want to anymore!!!!

Which brings me back to today. :)

Makayla and I had dentist appointments this morning. My mom came over and watched the babies so I could just take Makayla. We had a great time together...talking in the car on the way there, listening to worship music and enjoying each other. Then after that we headed to Panera for lunch and I just sat there and listened to her talk to me. She told me about how her eyes were dripping from the light being too bright in her eyes when the dentist was cleaning her teeth and they put sunglasses on her. (We got seen at the same time so I wasn't with her.) She told me about how everyone LOVES her unicorn hat (FACT!) and that we should buy everyone their own since they love it so much. And I told her that they love it because SHE is wearing it which made her smile.

I got to sow into her life and just love her. Something I really haven't taken the time to do for a very long time. I'm probably being harder on myself than I should be, but I know that since we started our adoption process, my life got sucked in to that. Now that's over. Kalkidan is home and that is where my focus needs to be...on my three daughters. I still love adoption and will advocate for it (and possibly adopt again one day!) and Ethiopia will forever have a place in my heart...I can't stay away for too long, you know. :) But right now? Right now, I am called to this season of loving and putting my everything into my family, including Adam.

Things have gotten turned upside around here with bringing Kalkidan home and everything that happened in between there that life just got all kinds of messed up. I'm refiguring out my priorities right now. And I think for the first time, I feel like I'm on the path to getting them right. Ethiopia and Africa cannot be my main focus. I read other peoples' blogs that say that they have to be focused on that stuff and I start to second guess myself. Should I be focusing on loving and serving the least of these? Right now in this moment? And the honest answer, for me, is no. I can't. Too much damage has been done to our lives in the here and now. And that is where my focus needs to be for this time. I will always love Ethiopia and Africa and one day I will go back. But the Lord is the only one that knows when that will be. And I'm resting in that. I'm putting my all in to my three precious girls, one of whom has only been with us for three months and has serious trauma issues that we all need to work through with her.

So yes. Back to today. Makayla and I had a great time at Panera and then we brought everyone else lunch. We spent some time with her little sisters and Nana, put the babies to bed and Makayla and I got to spend some more time together. Yesterday I shared with Makayla that we would have some Fun Time and then Quiet Time, so Mommy can still have some downtime, but I'm not being as selfish as I was in the past...just a few days ago and for the past several years. We did some workbook pages that she LOVED, played with some Play-Doh and then did a picture search together. It's only an hour each day, because clearly I'm not cured of my selfishness and I never will be...it's human nature, but I have seen such a difference in the way that she acts with having this time just me and her.

I've also noticed a difference in my attitude towards all my girls and towards Adam. Again, this is not to boast about how great I am. It's to boast about how great Christ is! He is the only reason that I have had any of these convictions about how skewed my priorities in life were and how I was spending my time. He is the only reason that I feel called to this season of putting my all in to my family and not desiring to be somewhere else. He is the only reason that I can do these things. It's not at all because of me. I'm a work in progress and nowhere near where I should be, but I am so thankful that God is showing me all that He is right now so that I can be the woman, wife and mother that He wants me to be to glorify His Name.

It's been an amazing last two days. I know it's not much but it's a start and how else can you change if you don't start somewhere?

Also Adam sent me this blog post a couple weeks ago when I was really struggling with liking Kalkidan and rereading it today has helped me so much. He brought it up last night when were talking about all of this mothering stuff and all that God is revealing to me and it is all so true. I didn't adopt Kalkidan to adopt the cause of adoption or to adopt the cause of orphans. While I love those things and believe in them and will advocate for them, I adopted Kalkidan to bring another child into our family to love. For her to have a place to feel safe and call home forever. Our adoption journey is over now so I need to focus on Kalkidan being here...not living in the adoption world. I'm not shutting everyone out that is from our adoption circle, but I can't keep living with talk about court dates and referrals. Those things are all amazing and wonderful...truly they are. But I can't live there right now because that part of our journey is closed. Kalkidan is home and with us forever and she is why we went down the path of adoption in the first place.

Anyway, here's the link: Adopting a Kid, Not a Cause

Forgot to add this part earlier...last night when Adam and I were talking about my failures as a mama, I felt like we should be praying with them and for them more. We pray with them at dinner and at bedtime, but I feel like God wants us to do more. To show them more of Him in the every day. So today on the way home from Panera, we passed a car accident and I asked Makayla if she wanted to pray. She suggested that I pray instead. So I did. Makayla really loved it.

We were home for a few minutes when Makayla asked me to come with her behind the couch...the girls like to hide back there. And she showed me a tiny little cut on her knee. She always shows me her little scrapes and bruises that she gets from every day fun and I usually just tell her I'm sorry that she's hurt and try to validate her feelings. This time, I asked if she wanted me to pray for her. And she said yes. So I did.

This evening before bed she showed me another little scrape and we prayed for that one, too. It really made her feel better and I think that's the best kind of validation that I can give her. That every little thing matters to me. And even bigger is that every little thing matters to Jesus. And she can take it all to Him. All the time.

When Addi woke up from her nap today, she stuck her arm out and I asked her if it was hurting her and she said, 'Deah. (yeah)'. So I asked her if I could pray for it and she said yes, so I did. She was so happy when I was finished.

While we were putting the babies to bed, Makayla came into their room with a little stuffed doggy and said, "I want to give this to someone, maybe like my sisters or one of my friends that doesn't have a doggy. Or maybe someone that doesn't have a doggy. Because I have so many and I want somebody to have one, too!" So she put it by the stairs and asked us to leave it there for her to take to preschool in the morning. Adam and I both told her how proud we are of her and how she is being so generous in wanting to give something to someone else that doesn't have what she has. It was so beautiful seeing her precious, loving heart played out in action. I mean, I've seen it before but this was a new way that I haven't seen before. We just kept telling her how great it is that she wanted to do that for someone else.

I really, really love my daughters.

Melkam Gena!

Today is Christmas in Ethiopia! So we get to celebrate two Christmases! It is so much fun in our house! I have lots of catching up to do...sooooo many pictures to sift through! But for now, I'll start with where we are today. Gena!

We had a great little feast of doro wat with dabo. No injera for us since we didn't order any in time and our injera maker isn't here yet. :( But it was delicious nonetheless! I was crazy busy today...running to the grocery store while Makayla was in preschool. It was my first time taking the babies out by myself. It was hard, but I managed. I just stuck both of them in the cart before I went in to the store and it worked out pretty well. Thankfully I didn't have much to get or there would have been no room! :)

I got some last minute stuff for our dinner, some green, yellow and red balloons and small gifts for the girls. In Ethiopia, Christmas isn't about giving and getting gifts. It's about celebrating the birth of Jesus. Love that! Let's get back to the Reason we celebrate in the first place. So I bought the girls all socks. They were way excited about socks! It was cute.

I spent the rest of the day, during nap time, making niter kibbeh (clarified butter with spices and stuff), chopping onions and preparing everything for our doro wat. It was nice and simple, but a sweet little feast. I wrapped the gifts, hung our Ethiopian flag and got the girls dressed in their Habesha dresses. I couldn't find Addi's though. :( It was a low key day and I think the girls loved having another day to have a celebration! Oh, I also made brownies for dessert. Yum. Enjoy pictures from our awesome Gena celebration!!

Adam made this sign the night before for us to hang up. It says Melkam Gena in Amharic. :)

Melkam Gena!

Love this. :)

One little Habesha...

So sweet.

My niter kibbeh gone wrong... :(

Me and my sweet Habesha girl.

Daddy and his oldest girl.

She was over it. :)

Daddy and his sweet Habesha girl.

And his youngest girl!

2013. Hope.

Happy New Year!!

We had a wonderful day just staying home with the family today. I feel like I still have so much of life to catch up on from 2012, but maybe I'll just have to let that go and move on into the new year!! :)

So this year, I have goals that I'd like to achieve, but more than that, I have one word that I want to focus on for the year. My word for 2013 is hope.

2012 was a wonderful year for our family. We had a lot of changes in all of our lives and while that is amazing, it was also very, very hard. We, adoptive families, we don't talk about the hard very much. We try to paint this beautiful picture of adoption and how it's all glorious and beautiful. And while that is true, it's very messy. It comes with a price and a lot of hurt. Adoption comes out of pain. There is beauty in that pain, but it takes a long time to peel away the layers to get there. Our layers are nowhere near done being peeled.

We have a lot of work to do in 2013 and I have lots of hope. I have so much hope for our family and for the ways that we will grow closer to each other and closer to Jesus this year. 2012 was just kind of weird for me.

I have lots of hope for this year. Hope for a fresh start. Hope for new beginnings. Hope for redemption in my kids' lives. Hope for more love and more giving and more joy. So much hope for 2013. Thank You, Jesus, for being our Ultimate Hope.

I'm excited for 2013! Let's do this!

Hope.

"But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." -Romans 8:25

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." -Romans 12:12

"That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all people, and especially of those who believe." -1 Timothy 4:10

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."  -Hebrews 11:1

And my personal favorite:
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." -Romans 15:13

2012 Recap.

2012 has been quite a year for our little family! We have had some pretty significant changes come this year and there is no way I could be any more thankful! We have been beyond blessed and I'm really looking forward to seeing what 2013 has in store for all of us!! So, here's my little recap of 2012 for us...

January
We had Makayla's 4th birthday party with family and friends! So fun!
We celebrated being DTE (Dossier To Ethiopia) for three months! We thought we were going to be on the wait list for much, much longer. Little did we know the HUGE plans God had in mind for our family of four...
We also started sponsoring our sweet boy, Habtamu, in Adami Tulu, Ethiopia!!

February
Addison started walking!!
We had a spaghetti fundraiser at my MIL's church for our adoption. It was amazing!
We celebrated our one year 'adoption talk' anniversary. :)
I announced that I would be going on a mission trip to Ethiopia in June!
We celebrated four months DTE!
We got fully funded for our referral fee for our adoption!!

March
We went to the More4Orphans summit with our good friends, Adam and Ashley. It was a life changing weekend, to say the least.
We celebrated five months DTE!
I got all my travel shots for my mission trip.
Adam and I went to a marriage conference at our church and while we were there, Makayla fell off her bike. It took all I had to not run out of church to be with my girl.
I got fully funded for my mission trip!!

April
I went to Maryland solo to see Rusty, Janelle and baby Genova! Surprise visit to Delaware to see Brian, too!
We celebrated 6 months DTE!
We went to the zoo and to the library with good friends and had good times.
We were blessed by a dear friend that announced a photography fundraiser for our adoption.

May
Adam and I both turned 28 years old!
We celebrated 7 years of marriage at Empress Taytu!
We also celebrated 7 months DTE!
I had a great Mother's Day and even had a little tea at Makayla's preschool.
We went to a Cleveland Indians game with the girls, thanks to Adam's work! We were also on the Jumbo Screen while we were there, which was totally awesome!
Janelle came for a visit from Maryland!
I was busy preparing for my first ever trip out of the country!!
We changed our request for our adoption from 0-24 months to 0-2 years. Not huge, but obviously significant over the next coming months. :)

June
This was probably the most significant month of my life this year!! SO much happened and I don't think I blogged about any of it nearly enough.
I left for Ethiopia at the beginning of the month and had a life changing trip.
While in Ethiopia, we got our referral for our amazingly beautiful daughter and the very next day, I got to meet her!!
After I returned from Ethiopia, I was wrecked. I didn't know how to function in life and could not get any of Ethiopia out of my mind.
Addison turned 2 years old!!
Two short weeks after I returned 'home', Adam and I were back on a plane to Ethiopia for our court date!

July
We spent the first ten days of July in Ethiopia...much like the first days of June for me!
We passed court on July 6th and Kalkidan Grace is officially our daughter!!!
We had an amazing mission trip/bonding trip in Ethiopia.
We came home, brokenhearted, to be leaving Kalkidan in Ethiopia, but God has just the right plans for us. We also brought home four host children. It was an eventful flight home. :)

August
We got submitted to Embassy for Kalkidan on August 10th!! We are waiting to be cleared by embassy.
Kalkidan's case stopped moving for a bit, so Adam and I decided it would be best for me to head to Ethiopia to visit with her. We still kept up hope that Kalkidan would be cleared to come home while I was there. I spent two weeks in Ethiopia waiting to hear about Kalkidan and then BAM. The door was closed. I had to leave without Kalkidan. It was heartbreaking.

September
September was the hardest month of my year. I was stretched and pulled more ways that I thought possible.
NOTHING about Kalkidan's case moved. It was heartbreaking yet again.

October
It was another difficult month in our house. Things were just really, really hard. Adjusting and figuring out our new normal took over everything in my life. I literally cannot remember anything we did this month. Nothing.

November
We cleared Embassy on November 6th!!!!! I tried to get to Ethiopia the next week, but for some reason, they were not taking appointments. We got our appointment for November 19th!
I left for Ethiopia on November 17th and I was back in the country that has forever stolen my heart for the fourth time in six months!!! Only God...
November 18th is the day that I picked up Kalkidan from the Transition Home for the very last time. She is our daughter FOREVER!!!!
Kalkidan and I get home on November 22nd, Thanksgiving Day!! It was a special, special day for our family. We are a family of five!!!!
Every day for the month of November, everyone in our family shared one thing that they are thankful for. It was so much fun to hear what the girls came up with and such a blessing to remember all of the things we have to be thankful for every single day.

December
We are getting used to life as a family of FIVE. I still can't believe this is my life! Having a sweet new daughter that comes from a really hard place is, well, really hard. We have all had to do some adjusting. We've been under a lot of stress and it has taken its toll on the whole family.
We did something fun and Christmas related every day until Christmas, which helped us connect as a family. The girls all really enjoyed it!
Makayla turned 5 years old on Christmas Day!

Our lives have been turned upside down this year. It has been nothing short of chaos and even though chaos comes with a lot of stress, I would not change any of it for the world.

I am SO looking forward to a new start and a fresh beginning! 2013 is going to be just as amazing as 2012, I can feel it! I'm also going to get my tattoos tomorrow that I've been waiting too long to get, so I'm pretty stinking excited about that! God is SO good and I can't wait to see what He has in store for me and for my precious family in 2013! Happy New Year!!

Kalkidan is HOME!!

I know this post is long overdue, but that's just my life right now. We have been home for two weeks and five days today. Kalkidan and I got home from Ethiopia on Thanksgiving Day. It was a L.O.N.G. journey home. We were stuck in the Ethiopia airport for seven hours longer than expected and of those seven hours, we were on a busted plane for three hours. Then we had to get off the busted plane, board another plane and finally, we left Ethiopia at 5 am. We should have left at 10:15 pm. Kalkidan was such a trooper during it all!! She slept the whole time we were on the busted plane, so it kind of sucked to have to wake her up to get her off, but we got through it. :)

Then we flew 17 hours to Washington DC. We stopped in Rome to refuel and that was pretty awesome. I took that time to get Kalkidan up and moving around for a bit. It was about 9 am when we landed there, so we went to the back of the plane and got a little glimpse of Italy. I hope to see more of it one day! Once we got to DC, we had obviously missed our connecting flight, but thanks to my awesome friend Erica and my awesome husband, who I texted while we were stuck in Ethiopia, Kalkidan had a seat on the next plane to Cleveland. Somehow, someone was confused in DC, so it took a while to get me a ticket, but we got them. I had to run to our gate, which is not easy carrying a 35 pound toddler that is beyond exhausted. She refused to walk so when I would put her down, she just stood there and cried. That was the hardest part of the trip home and I'm so thankful it's over. We got to the gate with 1 minute to spare, landed in Cleveland just fine and the fam was waiting to greet us with a big sign! It was a nice little welcome home and just perfect for our scared little girl.

From the day I went to get her from the Transition Home...November 18th.

So on these two weeks and five days since Kalkidan has been home, we have all had to do some adjusting around here. It's really hard getting used to having another member in the family. Yes, we have wanted Kalkidan home for so long and we have prayed for her to come home and we are so thrilled that she is a part of our family forever, but that does not mean that there aren't adjustments for all of us. Kalkidan and Addison are four months apart, so I pretty much have twins now, which is difficult to figure out. We haven't gone many places because I just don't think I can figure out how to get two toddlers anywhere right now.

The day after I picked her up forever. And her new fro. :)

She cries a lot...mostly when we tell her no or try to put her down for a nap. We are all trying to figure out our new places and how to all get along together. She is sleeping in our room for now so that we can be close to her if she wakes up in the middle of the night. Which she happened to do a lot for the first week or so. She still wakes up sometimes during the night, but now I can just go put the blanket back on her and tell her to go back to sleep and she's fine.

Everything is an adjustment around here, but we are figuring it out. Makayla and Addison have been bossing her around a lot and not including her as much as I thought they would. But I think that's pretty typical behavior. They really wanted her to come home, too, but now that she's here, they are trying to figure out how to include her and share life with her.

Our first photo as a family of six!! I still can't believe this is my life. :)

I've been telling people that ask me how it's going that it's really like having a 3 year old newborn. Everything is new to Kalkidan. She doesn't know much English so we are trying to teach her everything right now. She still doesn't know that we are her Mommy and Daddy forever. At night it's really hard because if Adam tries to take her from me, she cries with tears streaming down her face. This only happens at night, though...not during any other time.

It's hard because we don't know the trauma that she has endured in her life. We know very little of her story before she came to us, none of which we will be sharing. It is her personal story so if she wants to share it when she is older, she can do that, but we won't be making that decision for her. So we don't know what triggers some of her emotions and why, which makes it difficult to try to remedy the problem.

So yeah. Life here is hard. We are getting through it day by day and literally taking it one step at a time. I think everything that we are experiencing is totally normal because having an adopted child come home is no different than having a biological child come home. I mean, it is different in some ways, like your bio kids don't have trauma that you will never know all the details of, but it's the same in that everyone needs to figure out how to get along. And life changes with each new addition to the family, no matter how they enter the family.

We have had some super sweet moments of course, too. And no matter what, the good always outweighs the bad. We press on through the bad times, pray through it all, and hope that we will all do better the next day.

Kalkidan is such a sassy little thing and she was meant to be a part of our family. We are so blessed by her presence in our home. She makes us laugh every single day with her silly little antics. When I put her in her car seat, she scrunches up her nose just like I do because it is so dang hard to fit that belly in her seat belt. :) Also, her diapers stink far worse than any other diaper I have ever smelled (still waiting to find out of she has giardia. I say yes.) and so I cover my nose with my shirt every time I change her and now she does the same thing. She is hilarious and is picking up things so well with taking in so many new things at one time.

Yesterday we dropped Makayla off at preschool and Kalkidan blew her a kiss and said 'Ciao!'. Then Addi said, 'Bye sissy!' and Kalkidan said, 'Bye sissy!'. It was so precious!! She also says: Mommy, Daddy, No, Thank you, Please, Ababa (Daddy in Amharic), Nay (come), Bie (eat), Ow (yes) and some other things I just can't remember right now.

Daddy and his littles.

And just one more thing, mostly for my records, but I thought you might like to see the difference between my little twinsies height and weight. :)

Kalkidan on Dec. 4th: 34 inches and 33 1/2 pounds
Addison on Oct. 15th: 32 inches and 23 3/4 pounds

They tell me Addison is too skinny (5th percentile) and Kalkidan is too short (5th percentile) so maybe they just meet in the middle? HAHA!

That's all I can think of right now. A friend of mine posted this quote on Facebook the other day and I can't stop thinking about it. It's totally my life right now, but I wouldn't want it any other way. God is good. Always.

"Remember, one who enjoys more is bound to suffer more because he becomes very sensitive. But suffering is not bad. If you understand it rightly, suffering is a cleansing. If you understand it rightly, sadness has a depth to it which no happiness can ever have. A person who is simply happy is always superficial. A person who has not known sorrow and has not known sadness, has not known the depths. He has not touched the bottom of his being; he has remained just on the periphery. One has to move within these two banks. Within these two banks flows the river." -Osho

Embassy Date!!!

We got our Embassy date for November 19th!!!

I am so excited to go get my girl FOREVER!!! Wahoo!!!!!! Please be praying for us while I am gone. I know it's going to be a big transition for our family and it's going to be tough while we are in Ethiopia, but God is so faithful. And we are so blessed.

I leave on November 16th and I will go get Kalkidan Sunday afternoon!! :)

More News.

Well, I got an email from our agency this morning saying that the embassy is open next week, but they are not doing any adoption visa appointments. What a stinking bummer. So, I'm not going next week like I thought.

Our agency asked what my new three choices are for embassy dates. My first choice is now Monday, November 19th!! Praying that we hear I have that date scheduled in the morning!!!!!!!

I am SO ready to get my sweet Kalkidan and bring her home forever. She has been waiting for far too long. And I am SO close. :)

One good thing about being forced to wait another week is that I have more time to get my to-do list finished. Though it seems to keep growing by the minute instead of getting shorter! I bought a small bookshelf for the girls' room today, so that's one thing checked off....just gotta put it together now!

Please be praying for us tonight and that we will hear in the morning that I can leave next weekend to go get our girl!!!!!

CLEARED!!!

WE CLEARED EMBASSY TODAY!!!!!!!

I am so beyond excited!!!!! Our agency called me this afternoon to let me know that the last piece of paper that we were waiting for was in and that we could move forward with choosing our three dates for an embassy appointment!! I still can't believe they called me today!!! I mean, we've been waiting so long that it seemed unreal. :) So I told them I want next Thursday, the 15th as my first choice, since if you have your appointment on a Thursday, you can get the visa the next day.

So, so, so, so, so happy that we finally cleared!!!!!!!!! We'll be checking our email all morning long to see if I can go next week!!!!!! I have tickets on hold already.... :)

Want to hear something else crazy awesome? Our court date was July 6th. We cleared embassy November 6th. Exactly four months later. Yeah, it's longer than I wanted to wait, but God is so good and His plans are perfect.

One Year.

Today is our one year DTE date. Honestly, our DTE date doesn't mean anything to us anymore because we already have our referral of our precious baby girl, Kalkidan. At this point last year, I thought we would still be waiting for our referral. I'm happy to say that we are not and that we have met our sweet angel and that I have been blessed to go to Ethiopia three times since we have received our referral to go love on our baby girl until we can bring her home. The next time I go back, she will be coming home with me!!!!! FOREVER!!!!

The very first time I held my new daughter.

She is going to change the world.

So one year ago today, we sent all of our paperwork in to Ethiopia to be matched with a child. And here we sit, knowing who our child is, yet she is still not home. This part of the waiting is the hardest. I have met her and been with her. Three times over. I have hugged her and kissed those fat cheeks. And then left her there. Three times over. It is tearing me apart inside. So when people ask me when she is coming home, it's like a double edged sword. I love that people care about our adoption and want to know when our sweet girl is coming home, but at the same time, it breaks my heart to tell people I don't know when she is coming home. And it reopens the wound every single time someone asks. It sucks not knowing.

Meeting her Daddy for the first time. <3 nbsp="nbsp">

Your sisters love you, Kalkidan!! Addi calls you 'Dah-don'. It's pretty adorable.

Look at that beautiful baby girl!!!!

You are captivating, precious one.

Today, we celebrate the fact that we are no longer on the waiting list. We have loved our daughter and we know without a doubt that she is meant to be in our family. She has a sassy little attitude like her sisters at home. People even say she sorta looks like me! I happen to believe that's true, as well. :) She is so beautiful and so precious to us. We are thankful that God has called us to the craziness that is adoption. No matter how long the road is, we will endure it. We will do whatever it takes to get Kalkidan home. She is ours forever.

I love you!!!!

Cannot wait to bring you HOME so you can meet your sisters!!!!

When we got our referral in June, I was hoping and praying that she would be home by our one year DTE date. Obviously she is not here yet, but we still have hope. We KNOW she will come home. We KNOW it will be soon. And we are so blessed to call her ours.

Sweet Kalkidan, betam betam betam betam ewedeshalehu!!!!! Betam nefakin!!!!! I am coming for you!!!!!!! ♥

I can't wait to see LIFE in those beautiful eyes...

This picture gets me every. single. time.

The bond they already have is so beautiful.

You are MINE, baby girl.

So proud to be this one's Mommy. FOREVER.

My two little Habesha kids. Love them.

Every single tear, every single piece of paper, every single wait...it is all worth it to have both of these precious children in my home. Though Kalkidan is not home yet, I already know it's worth it. I can't wait for her to know what a forever family feels like. I can't wait for her to have a MOMMY and DADDY to tuck her in at night. EVERY night. I can't wait for her to never have to be alone again. You are so, so loved, baby girl. SO loved. FOREVER.

Oh Hey, I Have A Blog?!

Hey guys! So sorry about that crazy hiatus I took from blogging!!! That was weird, right? HA!

We have been crazy busy since we got back from Ethiopia. We have SO much going on right now and honestly I'm not going to be sharing it on the internet just yet. Just know it's WAY exciting and we need some serious prayer!! God has broken down so many barriers already that we know how much He is behind this. We are so thankful!! Vague, I know, but you'll know more later.

In other news, we got submitted to embassy for our sweet Kalkidan on August 10th!!!!! That is crazy fast, but we're getting used to our case going crazy fast. :)

Today we got an email that said that they looked over our paperwork and they'll be starting to look at hers now. BIG steps, people!! I'm praying that I will be going back at the beginning of September to bring her home!!!

Our girls at home are doing GREAT and Makayla talks about Kalkidan every day. She asks me every day if I am going to go to Ethiopia today and bring her home. So sweet!!

We are so excited for our family to be growing and we can't wait to share more of our story with you in the future!!! That's really all I have for now. I'm so wiped out from this last month. But I'm ready to go back to Ethiopia!!!!!!! :)

P.S. The next step is being CLEARED by embassy. Please be praying that happens quickly!! We want our baby girl home!!!!

WE PASSED!!!!!

Hey everyone!! We have been home from Ethiopia for one week today!!! BIG things happened while we were there. God moved some mountains and only by the grace of God, we passed court!!!!

Kalkidan is officially our little girl!!!! We are SO excited!!!!!

She is a precious little girl and we can't wait to bring her home!!

So what's next? Well, since we passed court, we have to be submitted to embassy. This typically happens 2-5 weeks after a family passes court. We are anticipating it being sooner rather than later since nothing about our case has been slow. :) Then we need to get cleared by embassy and then we will choose 3 different dates for her visa appointment. The embassy will tell us what date they have an appointment open and then I will fly back to pick up Kalkidan!!

Adam will not be returning to Ethiopia with me so that we can save some money. Our account is pretty much depleted right now and we need some serious funds in some short amount of time. Thankfully, we are the Give1Save1 Family this week!!! And on top of that, ALL of the donations for this week are being MATCHED by a very dear friend of ours!!! What a HUGE blessing!!!

If you would like to help us bring sweet Kalkidan HOME, please donate $1 (or more!!) and EVERY donation will be matched!!! You can go watch our video here and you can donate there, too!!! Please share our link on your blog, Facebook, Twitter, etc. We have BIG plans for this week and would LOVE to be fully funded to bring Kalkidan home!!!! Thank you so much for sharing and watching!!!

COURT DATE!!!!

WE HAVE A COURT DATE!!!!!

We got the phone call with our court date this afternoon!!! It was pretty awesome because Makayla was having a total freak out session in the car and I was up to my earballs in frustration and then the phone rang. I thought it was just our Family Coordinator calling to check in on us, but it was our Travel Coordinator. She asked how we were doing and then told me we have been submitted to court!!!! Then she told me our court date is July 6th!!!!! I literally told her to shut up!!! HAHA! I couldn't believe it!!!

So we are trying to get everything set up and get our flights ready to go and then we will be heading to Ethiopia!!!! I'm going back for the SECOND time two weeks after I got back to the United States!!!

I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!! Baby K, we are coming soon!!!!!!!!! :)

REFERRAL!!

This post is long overdue, but my mind has been spinning this past week and there are so many things that we have in the works right now, it's unreal. BUT, I must get this post written!!

So I was in Ethiopia for four days, just got home from one of the best days at Korah (we moved tons and tons of red rock in the pouring African rain...it was amazing), took a shower and went downstairs in the guest house to check my email. We had some downtime before dinner so we just all hang out and try to get on the internet and stuff.

Before I left for Ethiopia, I told Adam that if we got our referral while I was gone to send me an email that says READ FIRST so that I wouldn't just skip over it and open something else. The internet in Ethiopia is not the greatest so I wanted to be sure I would get to the right emails when I could. :) Well on June 5th, I got that very email!! And right below it was the email titled Referral from our Family Coordinator at America World!! Um, I pretty much started freaking out and telling two of the girls that were on my team that I think we just got our referral!!! While I am IN Ethiopia!!!! So I'm like a bawling mess, totally screaming and freaking out. It was nuts!!

We got six pictures with our referral and I could only get three of them to open and that took f.o.r.e.v.e.r. It was painful waiting for them to load! HAHA! But it was totally worth it! She is so beautiful!! And I was staring at her pictures for the rest of the night. It was totally incredible. Every time I would look at her pictures, I couldn't believe this was really happening! I still think I'm in a little bit of shock from it all!

Somehow I got an email out to Adam giving him the cell phone number in Africa so he could call me. I have no idea how that email got through because my email never said it was sent. But he called me!! We got to talk a little bit about her history and her medical records since I couldn't load anything else on my computer. And while I was on the phone with him, my dear friend, Erin, was planning for me to be able to go SEE her!!! One of her good friends, Yonas, works for America World and they set the whole thing up for me to get to see her the next day at 10am!!! It was totally crazy and totally God!!! If Erin wouldn't have been on this trip (which she wasn't supposed to be!), I wouldn't have been able to go meet our third baby girl. Totally incredible!!!

So all night long, I just stared at her pictures. We played some game and I just had my computer in my lap the whole time staring at her. She is so gorgeous and she was smiling in every single picture. I kept thinking about how perfectly God ordained this entire thing...I was THERE when we got our referral, she is SO happy in her pictures and I get to MEET her the very next day!! Like not even 12 hours after seeing her pictures for the first time!!!

The next morning the rest of the team went to Korah while Erin and I stayed behind waiting for our driver. We headed to the transition home and I was totally freaking out the whole time. Like I really could not believe it was happening!! And just the way everything worked out so that I could actually go to meet her!! We had to wait in the office across the street for a while until Yonas got there. Then he got there and he went right in and told them that I wanted to meet Baby K. And about 10 minutes later, they brought her out to me!! I didn't cry and she totally smiled like the whole time. It was so amazing!!!!

I took her from the nanny and just held her for a while. Then I sat her down to look her over. She is just so amazing. She didn't cry at all and she was smiling! I even got picture of her smiling!! I took some videos of her and Erin took some amazing pictures that I just printed out today to carry around with me. So if you see me and you want to see pictures of our newest baby girl, just ask!! :)

I put her down to see if she can walk and she's not so good yet. But I bet by the time we get her home, she'll be walking. She has lots of teeth, too! She's got a great personality. After a while, one of the nannies opened the door and gave me her lunch to feed her. I got to feed her!!! She ate like a champ! Then she started slowing down a bit, so we stopped. And I laid her on my chest and she fell asleep in about two minutes. Oh my word, that is when I lost it. I think that's when it hit me that this wasn't just another baby in Ethiopia. This is MY BABY!!! And she fell asleep on me!!!!

So I got to rock her and hold her for quite a while and then we had to go. The driver was getting restless and our reason for being in Ethiopia wasn't for me to meet my daughter. So I got to lay her down in her crib for the rest of her nap and then we headed back to Korah. We had another incredible day at Korah, but every day in Ethiopia is incredible.

That's the story of how we got our referral while I was in Ethiopia on a mission trip. It was an unexpected addition to our trip, but such a welcome one. I am so thankful for all of the Ethiopian friends that I made while there, as well. What a huge blessing they all are to me!! My entire trip was absolutely amazing and I can't even pick what my favorite part was. Maybe one day I will be able to share more. :)

*We are not allowed to show any pictures of her face or share her name until we pass court.*

Request Change!!

I just got off the phone with our Family Coordinator at America World and we just changed our request from 0-24 months to 0-2 years!!

I know that isn't a huge jump, but this means that our child could be closer to 3 years old than 2 years old, whereas before our cutoff was 2 years old, period.

We are so excited about our new change and praying that our referral comes quickly!!!

Last night I was writing in my journal and I wrote that I think Addison is supposed to be our baby of the family...at least for a little while. I don't know how long and I don't even know if our child will be closer to 3 or older than Addison, but it's a possibility. And one we are totally excited about!!!! :)

So there you have it! Ethiopia Baby, we are waiting for you!!! <3

Last Week!

Last week was crazy busy! I let my life get the best of me and I totally forgot to blog about it. Instead I just enjoyed it! :)

Addison had her first ever popsicle on May 1st. She totally loved it.

Last Wednesday, I turned 28 years old! I know, I can't believe it either. My day was wonderful. I went to bed on May 1st reading the sweetest text message from my mom and then woke up to awesome texts from my family and countless birthday wishes on Facebook!

The girls and I went to lunch with my mom...Fiesta Jalapeno's. YUM. She got me some pretty fabulous stuff from Delicate Fortress, which I am in love with!! :) I left Makayla at my mom's and took Addison to the doctor because she's been falling lately while walking. There's nothing in her way and she doesn't trip on anything. So weird. Anyway, I took her to the doctor to see if she had an ear infection or something and that would affect her balance. He checked her ears, saw a bunch of wax, took the wax out and in the process, nicked both of her ear drums. I know, right? Not cool. She was SCREAMING so I knew it was bad. He said she'd be fine, but there might be some blood coming out of her ear later. Way to freak a Mama out!

So long story short, she's fine. She hasn't tripped since we took her to the doctor. Which sounds very much like when she wasn't walking and we took her to an orthopedic surgeon and she started walking the next day. This child. ;) There was a lot of blood in her ear the next day, but like I said, she's fine now.

After that, we headed home for nap time since my precious girl was exhausted. She napped and I'm sure I watched some tv show and waited for Adam to get home. We went to Olive Garden for dinner and Addison hated life. I don't blame her, though. We got through it (somehow!) and headed home for bed time. A pretty great birthday...except for my baby girl getting her ear drums nicked. :(

Last Thursday was Adam's 28th birthday! We're a day apart...pretty sweet, huh? :) Makayla had a Mother's Day Tea at her school, too. So Addi and I went there. It was pretty cute. They sang two songs that they made up and then we had some snacks. We met Adam at Pizza Hut by his work for lunch and had a fun time. After that, we came home for nap time and then we went to Old Carolina for dinner with my mom and stepdad. It was really fun, though Addison was still hating life, which makes it difficult to take her anywhere. :) And that was that!

Whenever we pick Makayla up from school, Addison runs into the classroom and they are SO happy to see each other!! They hug and I was trying to catch it, but the kids were all lined up so it didn't work out. :) 

Her flower cookie.

This is what Addi does when I take pictures of her now. I think she's trying to fit herself into the shot. ;)

Not the greatest picture of any of us, but it's me and my girls.

Makayla with her precious little card and coaster that she made me. <3

Friday we stayed home because we already spent enough money this week!! HA!

Saturday we went to Empress Taytu with Adam's mom, stepdad and little brother. It was amazing, as usual!! This is only the second time we have ever been there and the third time we have had Ethiopian food and I think it gets better every time!!! We had great conversation and then met a sweet Ethiopian princess named Sofie. Her little face was painted up from something that was going on in Cleveland. She was so precious! I was coming out of the bathroom and she was going in and asked me if anyone else was in there. I told her no and she said, 'I want to go look in the mirror and see my face.' I told her she looks beautiful and she said, 'Mmmhmmm.' BAHAHAHA!! The girls both loved her and little Sofie even came over to say hi to the girls. It was super precious.

Before we left for Empress Taytu.

Daddy and his girls before dinner.

Take one at a family photo...

Take two...

And take three...the best we're gonna get, I think! ;)

Sunday we stayed home because our week has been crazy busy! And then Monday was our anniversary...

You Know You're An Adoptive Parent When...

1. The fact that there are 143 million children without a parent to kiss them goodnight has made you lose sleep.

2. You realize DNA has nothing to do with love and family.

3. You can't watch Adoption Stories on TLC without sobbing.

4. The fact that, if 7% of Christians adopted 1 child there would be no orphans in the world, is convicting to you.

5. You spend free time surfing blogs about families who have experienced the blessing of adoption.

6. It drives you crazy when people ask you about your adopted child's "real" parents.

7. You have ever been "pregnant" with your adoptive child longer than it takes an elephant to give birth.

8. You had no idea how you would afford to adopt but stepped out in faith anyway, knowing where God calls you He will provide.

9. You have ever taken an airplane ride half-way around the world with a child you just met.

10. You believe God's heart is for adoption.

11. You realize that welcoming a child into your heart and family is one of the most important legacies you could ever leave on this earth.

12. You know what the word "Dossier" means, and you can actually pronounce it!

13. You have welcomed a social worker into the most private parts of your life.

14. You shudder when people say your child is so lucky that you adopted them, knowing full well you are the blessed one to have him or her in your life.

June Fundraiser!!

Hey everyone!! I woke up to a HUGE blessing this morning!! My dear, dear friend Korinne is doing a photography fundraiser for our adoption!!

It will be the entire month of June and all proceeds will go to US for our adoption!!! What an amazing gift!!!

Korinne and her family live in Japan, so if you aren't in Japan, sadly you won't be able to get photos done by her...BUT you can still donate to our adoption right here on the blog! AND you can share this fundraiser with your friends that do live in Japan! Please check out Korinne Hoh Photography at her website here and her Facebook page here!! She takes amazing photos!!! :)

Last Night.

Okay so I started reading this book last night called Give Them Grace. It's about parenting your children with grace instead of trying to control them, etc., etc.

So anyway, I was reading this book and thinking about what a great name Grace would be for our Ethiopia Baby if our child turns out to be a girl. We all know it's going to be a girl. ;) Well, the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. By the time my thoughts were swirling around, Adam was already asleep so I couldn't share anything with him until this morning.

Quick side note: We had a dog (for like two seconds) that we named Gracie. So I wasn't sure if Adam would be totally keen on the idea of the name Grace for our next daughter.

Moving on.

As I was sitting there reading this book, I was thinking about how perfect the name Grace is because of the circumstances that our next child is coming to us from. There will be some sort of trauma somewhere in this little one's life and by the grace of God, she (for this scenario) has endured it and made it out on the other side...to receive a family! What a gracious God we serve!

So my mind was reeling with how perfect and glorious and beautiful this name will be for our next precious one...when I realize that Makayla told me that our Ethiopia Baby's name will start with 'G'!! Honestly it gave me chills.

I told Adam about this all this morning and he said the name was perfect! We hadn't thought about girl names before this point, but if our ET Baby is a girl, her name will be Grace. It all just adds up and it's a beautiful story, I think. :) I love how God works!!


"For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ." -John 1:17


And another quick side note: Adam played bass at our new church for the first time today! He was awesome and I was (and am!) definitely a proud wife in the congregation this morning. :)

Our Week.

Well after the fabulous high of being with some of my very best friends last weekend, I was hoping this week would deliver. And it totally did. :)

Monday we went to Target to pick up some things and then we headed over to Nana's for a little bit.

Tuesday Makayla had preschool and loved it.

Wednesday we went to the library with Sarabeth and her girls. It was a blast! All the girls loved playing together and picking out books. We love the library, but we should definitely go more often.

All the girls at the library. :)

Thursday we missed preschool because I was a slacker. :( We did have a super fun walk because it was amazingly gorgeous outside. Not like today! It's been freezing! Ohio weather is so weird.

And then Friday we went to the zoo with Sheila and her boys! It was SO much fun! Sheila got everyone to fit in her car...that woman is Super Mom!! We packed our lunches and headed to the Akron Zoo. Everyone had an awesome time, though Makayla was a little sad that they didn't have any elephants. We might need to go to the Cleveland Zoo sometime to hit up the elephants. She really wanted to give them some of her water. :) Here's some pictures from our awesome day together. Enjoy!

Addi sitting forward facing in the car for the first time...April 20, 2012!

Abe, Tanner, Makayla and Addison. Yep, Abe is from Ethiopia! I love him!!

Abe and Makayla in the train that doesn't move.

Makayla getting out of the train. :) 

Addison chillin....

Abe and Tanner in the train! They are all boy. :D

While we were at the zoo, we came across some goats. There was a sign in front of them that said 'retired' on it. I asked Sheila what that meant and she said it probably means that they're just old. Well, Makayla overheard our conversation and she came back with, 'They're probably Grandma goats or something.' BAHAHAHAHA!!! My child is pretty quick! :)

Sheila holding Addi on the moving train!!

Me and my girlies. :)

Abe hanging out in the tunnel? I don't know what this is, but it's cool! :)

Makayla telling Tanner where I was. :)

And then on Friday night I went to a meal planning party. You basically make meals to have in your freezer and then you can just pull one out, thaw it and you've got dinner all ready to go! Super easy! It was a blast and I had a lot of fun getting to know some more women from my church.

We had a great week and somehow this week, we got blessed with almost $800 towards our adoption! It is amazing to see God work all of this out for His glory. I love it!! And thank you to our precious donors. You know who you are. ;)