Preschool Graduation!

You guys.

My babies graduated preschool last night. Do you know what that means?

THEY ARE GOING TO KINDERGARTEN NEXT YEAR!!

What?! What is life? What is happening? Where am I? Who are these children?

I don't even know.

So anyway, they had their graduation ceremony last night and it was so sweet and tiny and beautiful and all the things. Addison and Kalkidan both walked out so proud to get their little diplomas and I just die all over the place.

Addison's class was first and then a different class and then Kalkidan's. After the graduation, each class sang a song. It was so cute and precious and I had tears streaming down my face during both girls' performances. They had it set up so the parents for each class could come up during their performance and take pictures and video and stuff. So when Addi graduated, we left M at our seats and when we came back, she said, 'I almost cried watching Addi graduate! She's just so little!'

She asked if she could come up with us during their songs and of course, we said yes. Then when they are performing, I look at Makayla and she is crying her eyes out!! Both times!! Then she tells me, "I'm just so proud of my sisters! I can't believe they are growing up and they will be at my school next year!"

You guys, I die. She has THE sweetest and most loving heart ever. She is the best big sister in the entire world and I am so proud of her and her little sisters.

It was a tearful event last night, but they were all happy tears! We ended the evening with a little treat for the graduates. Makayla wanted to get them flowers, but she said the flowers smelled like goldfish, so she went the safer route with a mug and stuffed animal. She has the heart of an angel, you guys.

I am just so proud and in awe of all three of my darlings. Of how much they are learning and growing on a daily basis. Of how kind they are to each other and to their friends. Of the love they share for our little family. Of how protective they all are of their sisters. I'm just so proud and in awe of them.

They are my life and I wouldn't change them for the world.

Congrats, graduates! You are the sweetest little biscuits of life. And your big sister is so, so freaking proud.

A Little Slice of Heaven.

My girls had their usual nap time today and it was unusually quiet in Addi's room. When I came upstairs to wrangle the girls, I peeked in Addison's room and there she was. Laying on her chair with her pillow and blanket. Fast asleep. The most precious thing I've ever seen. My little Nap Bandit.

I went and got the other two, got them set up with snacks downstairs and came back up to try and snag another picture of my sleeping beauty. And BAM. She woke up and started yelling at me. So I asked if she wanted me to go and she said no. I asked if she wanted me to hold her and she said yes. Now, my girls are typically not good nappers. If they wake up, they are UP. There's no getting them back to sleep. So when Addi said yes, I scooped her up as fast as I could before she could change her mind.

I sat in the chair with her sprawled across my entire body and rocked and rocked and rocked. We were like two puzzle pieces that were never meant to be apart. Her face nuzzled in my left shoulder and my head snug against hers. It was beautiful. I soaked in every single moment.

My phone was right there. I could have easily gotten on Facebook or Instagram or read some mindless article. But I decided in that moment to just soak it up. My babies are not so little anymore. Sure, they're still little in the grand scheme of life, but they aren't teeny tiny fresh newborns that snuggle on their Mama's chest anymore. And oh boy, how I miss those times. A fresh little baby snuggled on your chest in the middle of the night.

And this afternoon took me right back. I had flashbacks of holding Addison as a teeny little itty bitty thing. In that very same chair that is still in her room. And then I came back to this moment that we were sharing. This moment of her at four and a half and me at thirty and I cherished it. I can't even remember the last time I held her like that and she fell asleep on me. It has been so long.

She rolled over a few times during our hour of me rocking and her sleeping. I thought every time that she would wake up, but she didn't. Her sisters were in the playroom being not so quiet, but we powered through. We had our time today and it was glorious. Her little arms draped across my chest, just like when she was a baby. It was my slice of heaven for today. Possibly for the year.

It's amazing what happens when you're just PRESENT, ya know? Today was that for me. Just being there in the moment. Not worrying or thinking about anything else. Staring at her teeny hands and her small body scrunched up against mine. Looking at her hair draped all over her back and her face. Hearing her ever so slight snore. I'm telling you I breathed in every moment of that hour and I don't regret a second of it. I don't regret the other things I could have been doing. I don't regret anything I missed in any other part of our world. I don't regret it at all. It's exactly where I was supposed to be. Oh man, I can't even tell you how amazing it was. This is a memory I will hold in my heart forever.

And then right at the end, she rolled over one last time and mid roll said, 'Love you.' I melted all over the floor. Someone come sweep me up because I'm still laying there in her room. On the floor. Melted.

This time is fleeting, mamas. Soak up your sweet babies and their precious little heads for as long as you can. Moments like these always remind me how fast our little ones grow up. It's too fast! I'm so thankful that I got to savor an hour today.

Off to the ER. AGAIN.

Well we had a rather eventful day today.

It all started last night...

Around 7pm, Addison mentioned that her cheek was hurting her. Then she ran off to play so I didn't think much of it. At bedtime she said something about her left cheek hurting her again. I have no idea what that means so she went to bed and was fine. A couple hours later she woke up again and was crying in her bed. I went in and calmed her down and she was fine...went right back to sleep.

So then I went to sleep a few hours after that. I'm in bed for a couple minutes and then Addi comes running into my room. I just told her to come sleep in bed with me. Adam is gone to Virginia for work, so I had plenty of room. :) And the about two hours after she was sleeping in bed with me, she woke up and could NOT get back to sleep. A total bummer in the middle of the night, let me tell you.

We laid there trying to get back to sleep for a while and then I told her I was going to get her some medicine because she felt a little hot. I told her to cover her eyes because I was turning the light on and I didn't want to hurt her eyes. So she did and I turned the light on. Then she said, 'I'm going to just keep my hand on my bad eye.' Then I'm thinking in my brain, bad eye?! Uhhhh, what is she talking about?!

And that's when she took her hands off her eyes and I gasped. Like out loud. Her little left eye was almost completely closed and super bright red. It was pretty much the scariest thing you could think to see in the middle of the night on one of your kids. So I'm running downstairs to get some Motrin and silently freaking out in my head, wondering if I should wake the other girls and rush to the ER. Adam's not home, remember? She said it wasn't hurting her, but I imagine it was probably pretty painful. Also, Addison has a very big hatred of doctors so when I mentioned that she was all, 'I'm fine, Mommy. I'm fine.' So we tried to get back to sleep but she was in some pain so I just laid with her and she finally fell asleep and so did I.

Which brings us to this morning.


I took Makayla to school and then raced over to the ER with Addi and Kalkidan in tow. In my pjs and all. The girls were in their pjs, too. Because that's how we roll.

Our ER is a fine establishment. Not one I like to visit as often as I have since we've lived in Texas, but fine nonetheless. It is never busy, SUPER clean and the staff is way helpful and friendly. It rocks. I'm not telling you the name because I'm keeping it all to myself. That's life for ya.

Annnnyway, they took is right back to a room and the nurse came in and asked if she had her flu vaccine (she hadn't) and then came right back in with a swab to shove up her teeny nose to check for the flu. At some point in there he mentioned that this sort of thing happens if kids have the flu. That part was a little up in the air, but the answers got better over time. So he shoved this giant q-tip in her nose and she was totally not a fan of that. She cried and cried and cried. Then she calmed down and the doctor came in.

He asked me how this all started so I told him about our night last night. And he looked at her swollen little eye and said she has periorbital cellulitis. Which is just a fancy way of saying she has an infection of the skin around her eye. He said her eye is not infected, which is a good thing!

So when we went to the ER in October for Addi's ear infection, the doctor cleaned all the wax out of her right ear. It was pretty traumatic for my girl. I'm assuming it probably hurts, but I have no idea. It looks awful. But hey, at least she could hear after that! He did a great job and got TONS of wax out and it was the same doctor today, so I asked him to do her left ear. Because I'm a mean mommy that wants my kids to have clean ears. So right now is when he did that. It was awful again. And right after he did one swipe, Addi said, 'I'm fine. I can hear now!' Because she wanted him to stop. She's the most precious little thing.

Then he left for a while and we were just sitting there. Then he came back. And told us she had to get her blood drawn. So they went and got all the stuff for that. And I was holding her and they took her blood while she was sitting on my lap! Talk about traumatizing for this mama!! My little baby was screaming and the nurse just let the needle dangle out of her teeny tiny arm and omg, it was horrible. She was screaming and crying and wanted it out so bad. It was rough. Finally they were done with that. And they left again.

So we sat there.

And then we sat some more.

The doctor came back in and asked for her pediatrician's phone number so then he called her. While we waited.

He came back in and said they are going to put her on an antibiotic and she needs to get a shot of it now and then they'll prescribe it for me to pick up.

So we wait. And wait. And wait.

The nurse comes in and I'm holding Addi and he just yanks her pants off her booty and says, 'Okay I'm going to give you a shot.' Then she freaks out and I'm all, 'hold still!' so she kind of does and he jams it right in her teeny tiny tushy and she's screaming and crying and yelling and she said, 'I don't love you!!' to the nurse. That was pretty hilarious.

After that mess, the nurse says he also needs to put eye drops in her eye. To protect the eye from getting infected. At first, he tries to do it while I'm holding her, but he damn near poked her eye out, so he got smart and put her on the bed. I held her head then he put them in and we were done.

Except not.

We had to wait. But nobody told us why we were waiting. Remember how I said they were helpful? Maybe not so much.

So I hear our nurse go to another patient's room and say they can leave and I'm all, they were here after us. I get up with the girls and go into the hall and stare at him and say, 'Um, can we leave yet?' And THAT'S when he tells me he's keeping us to make sure Addi doesn't have any kind of allergic reaction the antibiotics. Oh. That would have been nice to know 20 minutes ago.

He came in, gave us our prescription and a small vile of eye drops and we were finally on our way.

It was a rough freaking day. We came home and the girls watched a movie while I got all the nasty ER germs off of me. Then I took them to Target to get Addi's meds and we went to Olive Garden for a late lunch. Olive Garden redeems all things. I even got her a piece of cake to take home for dessert later. We zoomed over to M's school to pick her up and came home and just breathed. At least I did.

Man, it was a rough day. I'm so glad my girl is okay but I feel so bad for her. She's a hot mess, but I love that she's my hot mess.

December Music Programs!

Yesterday Makayla and Addison had their Christmas/music programs. At the same time. On the same night. I'm only one person, y'all! So we went to Addison's rehearsal in the morning so we could watch her one song and went to Makayla's in the evening.

Makayla had a small speaking role in it, which was awesome! She was so nervous about it but she delivered it flawlessly! Hand motions and all. :) I'm a proud mom and nothing will ever change that!

It's kind of adorable seeing your child on stage and watching her little face search the crowd for you. Makayla was looking around for us for a minute or so. She was looking at the spot we were sitting at when she left with her class. But we moved to the floor in the front row so I kept waving frantically so she could see I was still there. And then finally she saw us! And she smiled so big. Then during the entire program she kept looking at me and smiling. It was so precious.

She did an amazing job and I am just so proud of her! Stage fright is a huge thing to overcome or deal with and she wasn't scared at all! At least she didn't show it on stage. :)

Addison did a beautiful job in her song, as well. She was in the front row and thankfully we didn't have to deal with other parents so we were in the front row, too. She barely danced or did the motions, but she kinda did. It was super cute. She had a little Santa hat on and sang the song. She's so different at school! It's really weird for me to see. She is SO loud and boisterous at home and the two times I've seen her in her school environment, she is so quiet and shy. I love that she is so comfortable around her people that she just lets loose. That makes my heart happy.

Kalkidan's school doesn't do any programs, but I'm sure we will have plenty more next year when everyone is at the same school! She did have an extra day of school on Monday which was nice. Addi and I got to spend the day together grocery shopping and eating lunch at Panera and playing.

So far we've had a great week! Busy, but great. Now I need to get on this present wrapping train!!!

FRIDAY!!!!

It has been a crazy busy week around here!!

The babies had their usual Tuesday and Thursday school days. Kalkidan had an extra school day on Monday, which is awesome for her and me! So I just had little Addi to take care of all day. It was awesome! We went to Cracker Barrel for a late breakfast, just her and I. It was so fun. I love getting to spend one on one time with my girls. It makes them feel special and it makes me feel special. Pouring into their lives is SO important. Nurturing them and listening to their hearts, I just love hearing every little thing that comes out of their mouths. Then we came home and watched Frosty the Snowman, because duh! My girls are totally obsessed with that movie right now. It's so cute.

Of course we had ballet on Monday night, as usual. Makayla got to dance with her teacher as her partner for the second part of class. They have a video monitor in the waiting room area thing and I just love getting to watch her. She is so poised and she adores ballet. She talks about how she knows French all the time. :)

On Tuesday I went to lunch with Makayla at school. It took time out of my 'busy' day 'off' from children, but it's totally worth it. Spending one on one time again. She LOVES it when I come see her at school for lunch. I try to go every week, but sometimes, I just don't want to. I know that might sound awful, but I need a break from all the running, too! So we had a sweet time chattin' it up. Her teacher told me that day that she is getting an award today! But I'll get to that in a minute.

I decided Wednesday was for staying home. I didn't do anything. The littles played on the iPad and watched tv and played and ate lunch.

Addison's little class had a Thanksgiving lunch on Thursday and they invited the parents to come. So I did! She looked so sweet! They made little Indian hats with feathers that said what they are thankful for. Too adorable! She is SO quiet at school, which was really weird to see, because she is definitely NOT like that at home!! So then I went to sit down on the floor next to her and totally sat in something wet. I don't even want to think about what it was. My bootay was wet for the rest of the day...until I got a chance to come home and shower. I'm just hoping it was juice. Such is life with four year olds! :)

Before the lunch I volunteered at M's school, like I do every Thursday. I love those kids. Listening to them read sight words is so much fun for me! I LOVE reading so I want to foster the love of reading in every child everywhere!! Especially mine at home. Makayla LOVES to read and she does every chance she gets. She'll even read while watching TV! Talk about multi tasking! HAHA!

Thursday evening we had Open House at Makayla's school. She was so excited to show us everything in her school! Before we left she was telling us allll about the places she was going to take us! Mind you, we've been to her school a billion times, but it was super sweet to see her excitement. We got to see her Theater Room, Gymnasium, Music Room, the Library and of course, her classroom. They made these super sweet little pictures and 3D pumpkins that they had sitting on their desks. We also got to look through her Math Journal and Reading Journal. I love seeing what she works on at school. She is so proud and just loves showing us all around.

Which brings us to today!! At the end of every six weeks, Makayla's school has an assembly to announce the awards for the SOARing students for that six weeks. Each class has one per six weeks. And today was Makayla's day!!! She got the SOAR Award!!!! I was crying the whole time, but let me back up a second.

So obviously my girls know Daddy leaves for work before they go to school. Since he isn't here and I take them to school, right? Right. Well today Adam was still at home. AND I showered before school, which I NEVER do. So Makayla is asking us all these questions about why all this stuff is going on. "Mommy, why are you getting ready so early?" "Um Mommy, Daddy is always gone before I go to school. Why is he still at home?" So I'm making up all these things: "I wanted to get ready early today because Mittens woke me up meowing." (True.) "Daddy got up late so he is going to work later." (Not really true.) She's inquisitive, that one.

Adam drove in his car to the school so M wouldn't know anything. Obviously. Did I mention she had NO IDEA she was getting this award? Because she didn't. It was a total surprise. After I dropped her off, I parked and stayed in the car with the littles for a few minutes, waiting for Adam. We went inside and sat at the back of the auditorium waiting and waiting and waiting. She came in, didn't see us, sat down. All's good. :)

I taped when they said her teacher's name so I could record what her teacher had to say about her. I was crying the whole time because how can you not? My daughter, MY DAUGHTER, got the highest award at her school. How amazing is that?! So her guidance counselor read this beautiful note that her teacher wrote about her and how she SOARs everywhere she goes and then they said her name right at the end. Since she had no idea, she got up, had the most shocked look on her face, threw her hands up to her mouth, and then walked up to her teacher. It was so precious!!!!! While all that was happening, her guidance counselor said, "Look at her face!" She was the only one that was totally shocked. It was just priceless. I love her so much. And then, when she went back to her seat, all of her classmates were giving her high fives.

I just can't even tell you how proud I am of her. It is a beautiful thing to see all your hard work, as a parent, pay off. To see your child succeed and succeed again and again and again. I know this is NOT about me, but it's an affirmation that I'm doing something right as a Mama. Knowing that she's going to school every day with a great attitude and a beautiful, caring heart, makes everything right in the world.

Makayla, I am so proud of you. I am proud of the girl you are becoming and the heart that you have. I love how you love to help others every chance you get. I love how you don't care about other peoples' differences. You embrace everyone, no matter what. I love that you do quality work all the time and you don't even need to be told! You just do that because it's who you are. You are an amazing and beautiful little girl, inside and out. I love you with every part of me. Also, please stop growing up, no matter how wonderful you are. I love you forever and you always make me proud, award or not.

So that's that. I quit for the weekend. Except not really because we have SO many fun things for this weekend, too! :)

Most Likely The Best Day EVER.

I had big plans to unpack like almost every box in my house today. I'm kind of a go getter like that. And I started off the morning pretty awesome. I unpacked six or seven boxes. Yet my house still looks like a cardboard graveyard. Weird. I have no idea how I have so much crap! And every time I open a box, I'm thinking to myself, 'Dude, I could totally have never opened this box and I wouldn't miss any of this crap.' So you know, that's a good sign. I'm literally just unpacking these boxes to get them out of my house.

So yeah, I started the day off pretty rockin'. The babies were playing together really well. Side note: When do I stop calling them babies?! They are both three years old. Actually Kalkidan is closer to 4 than she is to 3. Thoughts for another day, I guess. Annnnnyway, they were playing well. Makayla was at school and then all of a sudden, Addi starts SCREAMING. I mean, she's a crier anyway, so it's really hard for me to take her cries seriously since I feel like that's pretty much all she does all day, but this was different. I knew she was hurt and wasn't just mad about life. She came running into my room, where I was TCBin', and she told me that Kalkidan shut her hand in the door. Obviously she told me that after much coaxing and tons of crying. Her little hand had some purple marks on them, but I made sure that she could move her fingers and that everything was still in working order. It was.

I got some frozen peas since we didn't have ice yet and held them on her hand. Here comes the reason this was the best day EVER...I asked Addison if she wanted to snuggle with me on the couch and she said yes. So we settled in, with her on my lap. I was just expecting to hold her for a few minutes because even though she NEEDS to be held like constantly, she's usually off and running a few minutes later. Well, much to my surprise, she fell asleep on me!!! We took a nap on the couch from 11 something to 2 something and it was magical. Of course, my phone was charging in the kitchen and I couldn't risk ruining the moment, so I have no photo documentation, but it was everything I ever dreamed of.

Lest you think I forgot I had another child in the house, Kalkidan was in her room for disobeying Mommy (NO closing doors for this very reason) and so I called to her to lay down and take a nap. And she did...for the most part. She got up a couple times. But it was a restful day and something I will never forget. It's so special to me because my girls just DO NOT sleep anywhere. They always have to be in their beds all snuggled with their blankies and stuffed animals and plastic dolls. So it was quite a treat and one I definitely didn't want to ruin.

And she woke up happy!! Just in time for us to get Sissy from school!

Also, Adam comes home tonight! I didn't tell you guys, you know for the creepers, but Adam had to go out of town for work Monday night, right after the movers dumped all the cardboard in the universe in our house. It was a bummer, but thankfully it was only one night and he was home before bedtime tonight! Always a blessing.

Annnnnd another reason today was the best day EVER!! Adam set up our DVR!!!! I haven't had a DVR, or cable in fact, for three years. I know, I'm totally deprived. But now I do! I am so DVRing all the things. Everything is at my fingertips! Mwahahahahaha!!! And tomorrow I get to meet one of my online besties, Chelsey! I'm a little excited!! :) Peace out, bean sprouts!

*Follow along via GFC or bloglovin' to get all kinds of awesome updates on our Texas move and our lives in general. It's a fun life, y'all!*

Priority Changes and Good Days.

Today was a good day. It's only been two days since I wrote a very brief post on the mother that I want to be to my children and the ways that I feel I have failed them so far in their little lives, but I see the changes coming out in me already. And this has NOTHING to do with me being awesome and EVERYTHING to do with Christ being awesome IN me. I'm fighting my selfish desires every day. I thought I was fighting them before, but now I know I am. And it's only because of Jesus that I have the ability to do it, even on such a tiny scale.

Before my huge revelation the other night (I mean, it was HUGE. I was broken, in tears, laying in bed just journaling over and over and over.) I would just be waiting for the clock to get to 1pm so I could put everyone down for their naps. And I would do it as fast as possible so I could get on the computer, watch a tv show, read my book, etc. Anything for just ME...no doing chores or thinking about anything else but myself and how to make me happy for a couple hours. But now, now I see how ridiculous that was. I would make Makayla sit in her room for Quiet Time for two, maybe three, hours a day. Just because I didn't want to have to answer the questions she asks or do something else that I just don't want to do.

It's making me feel very raw to write this all out there for public consumption, but I'm just keeping it real. This blog is my life and this is the season I'm in right now. Take it or leave it.

I see now how much I ignored my beautiful and precious daughters. And I don't want to anymore!!!!

Which brings me back to today. :)

Makayla and I had dentist appointments this morning. My mom came over and watched the babies so I could just take Makayla. We had a great time together...talking in the car on the way there, listening to worship music and enjoying each other. Then after that we headed to Panera for lunch and I just sat there and listened to her talk to me. She told me about how her eyes were dripping from the light being too bright in her eyes when the dentist was cleaning her teeth and they put sunglasses on her. (We got seen at the same time so I wasn't with her.) She told me about how everyone LOVES her unicorn hat (FACT!) and that we should buy everyone their own since they love it so much. And I told her that they love it because SHE is wearing it which made her smile.

I got to sow into her life and just love her. Something I really haven't taken the time to do for a very long time. I'm probably being harder on myself than I should be, but I know that since we started our adoption process, my life got sucked in to that. Now that's over. Kalkidan is home and that is where my focus needs to be...on my three daughters. I still love adoption and will advocate for it (and possibly adopt again one day!) and Ethiopia will forever have a place in my heart...I can't stay away for too long, you know. :) But right now? Right now, I am called to this season of loving and putting my everything into my family, including Adam.

Things have gotten turned upside around here with bringing Kalkidan home and everything that happened in between there that life just got all kinds of messed up. I'm refiguring out my priorities right now. And I think for the first time, I feel like I'm on the path to getting them right. Ethiopia and Africa cannot be my main focus. I read other peoples' blogs that say that they have to be focused on that stuff and I start to second guess myself. Should I be focusing on loving and serving the least of these? Right now in this moment? And the honest answer, for me, is no. I can't. Too much damage has been done to our lives in the here and now. And that is where my focus needs to be for this time. I will always love Ethiopia and Africa and one day I will go back. But the Lord is the only one that knows when that will be. And I'm resting in that. I'm putting my all in to my three precious girls, one of whom has only been with us for three months and has serious trauma issues that we all need to work through with her.

So yes. Back to today. Makayla and I had a great time at Panera and then we brought everyone else lunch. We spent some time with her little sisters and Nana, put the babies to bed and Makayla and I got to spend some more time together. Yesterday I shared with Makayla that we would have some Fun Time and then Quiet Time, so Mommy can still have some downtime, but I'm not being as selfish as I was in the past...just a few days ago and for the past several years. We did some workbook pages that she LOVED, played with some Play-Doh and then did a picture search together. It's only an hour each day, because clearly I'm not cured of my selfishness and I never will be...it's human nature, but I have seen such a difference in the way that she acts with having this time just me and her.

I've also noticed a difference in my attitude towards all my girls and towards Adam. Again, this is not to boast about how great I am. It's to boast about how great Christ is! He is the only reason that I have had any of these convictions about how skewed my priorities in life were and how I was spending my time. He is the only reason that I feel called to this season of putting my all in to my family and not desiring to be somewhere else. He is the only reason that I can do these things. It's not at all because of me. I'm a work in progress and nowhere near where I should be, but I am so thankful that God is showing me all that He is right now so that I can be the woman, wife and mother that He wants me to be to glorify His Name.

It's been an amazing last two days. I know it's not much but it's a start and how else can you change if you don't start somewhere?

Also Adam sent me this blog post a couple weeks ago when I was really struggling with liking Kalkidan and rereading it today has helped me so much. He brought it up last night when were talking about all of this mothering stuff and all that God is revealing to me and it is all so true. I didn't adopt Kalkidan to adopt the cause of adoption or to adopt the cause of orphans. While I love those things and believe in them and will advocate for them, I adopted Kalkidan to bring another child into our family to love. For her to have a place to feel safe and call home forever. Our adoption journey is over now so I need to focus on Kalkidan being here...not living in the adoption world. I'm not shutting everyone out that is from our adoption circle, but I can't keep living with talk about court dates and referrals. Those things are all amazing and wonderful...truly they are. But I can't live there right now because that part of our journey is closed. Kalkidan is home and with us forever and she is why we went down the path of adoption in the first place.

Anyway, here's the link: Adopting a Kid, Not a Cause

Forgot to add this part earlier...last night when Adam and I were talking about my failures as a mama, I felt like we should be praying with them and for them more. We pray with them at dinner and at bedtime, but I feel like God wants us to do more. To show them more of Him in the every day. So today on the way home from Panera, we passed a car accident and I asked Makayla if she wanted to pray. She suggested that I pray instead. So I did. Makayla really loved it.

We were home for a few minutes when Makayla asked me to come with her behind the couch...the girls like to hide back there. And she showed me a tiny little cut on her knee. She always shows me her little scrapes and bruises that she gets from every day fun and I usually just tell her I'm sorry that she's hurt and try to validate her feelings. This time, I asked if she wanted me to pray for her. And she said yes. So I did.

This evening before bed she showed me another little scrape and we prayed for that one, too. It really made her feel better and I think that's the best kind of validation that I can give her. That every little thing matters to me. And even bigger is that every little thing matters to Jesus. And she can take it all to Him. All the time.

When Addi woke up from her nap today, she stuck her arm out and I asked her if it was hurting her and she said, 'Deah. (yeah)'. So I asked her if I could pray for it and she said yes, so I did. She was so happy when I was finished.

While we were putting the babies to bed, Makayla came into their room with a little stuffed doggy and said, "I want to give this to someone, maybe like my sisters or one of my friends that doesn't have a doggy. Or maybe someone that doesn't have a doggy. Because I have so many and I want somebody to have one, too!" So she put it by the stairs and asked us to leave it there for her to take to preschool in the morning. Adam and I both told her how proud we are of her and how she is being so generous in wanting to give something to someone else that doesn't have what she has. It was so beautiful seeing her precious, loving heart played out in action. I mean, I've seen it before but this was a new way that I haven't seen before. We just kept telling her how great it is that she wanted to do that for someone else.

I really, really love my daughters.

2012 Recap.

2012 has been quite a year for our little family! We have had some pretty significant changes come this year and there is no way I could be any more thankful! We have been beyond blessed and I'm really looking forward to seeing what 2013 has in store for all of us!! So, here's my little recap of 2012 for us...

January
We had Makayla's 4th birthday party with family and friends! So fun!
We celebrated being DTE (Dossier To Ethiopia) for three months! We thought we were going to be on the wait list for much, much longer. Little did we know the HUGE plans God had in mind for our family of four...
We also started sponsoring our sweet boy, Habtamu, in Adami Tulu, Ethiopia!!

February
Addison started walking!!
We had a spaghetti fundraiser at my MIL's church for our adoption. It was amazing!
We celebrated our one year 'adoption talk' anniversary. :)
I announced that I would be going on a mission trip to Ethiopia in June!
We celebrated four months DTE!
We got fully funded for our referral fee for our adoption!!

March
We went to the More4Orphans summit with our good friends, Adam and Ashley. It was a life changing weekend, to say the least.
We celebrated five months DTE!
I got all my travel shots for my mission trip.
Adam and I went to a marriage conference at our church and while we were there, Makayla fell off her bike. It took all I had to not run out of church to be with my girl.
I got fully funded for my mission trip!!

April
I went to Maryland solo to see Rusty, Janelle and baby Genova! Surprise visit to Delaware to see Brian, too!
We celebrated 6 months DTE!
We went to the zoo and to the library with good friends and had good times.
We were blessed by a dear friend that announced a photography fundraiser for our adoption.

May
Adam and I both turned 28 years old!
We celebrated 7 years of marriage at Empress Taytu!
We also celebrated 7 months DTE!
I had a great Mother's Day and even had a little tea at Makayla's preschool.
We went to a Cleveland Indians game with the girls, thanks to Adam's work! We were also on the Jumbo Screen while we were there, which was totally awesome!
Janelle came for a visit from Maryland!
I was busy preparing for my first ever trip out of the country!!
We changed our request for our adoption from 0-24 months to 0-2 years. Not huge, but obviously significant over the next coming months. :)

June
This was probably the most significant month of my life this year!! SO much happened and I don't think I blogged about any of it nearly enough.
I left for Ethiopia at the beginning of the month and had a life changing trip.
While in Ethiopia, we got our referral for our amazingly beautiful daughter and the very next day, I got to meet her!!
After I returned from Ethiopia, I was wrecked. I didn't know how to function in life and could not get any of Ethiopia out of my mind.
Addison turned 2 years old!!
Two short weeks after I returned 'home', Adam and I were back on a plane to Ethiopia for our court date!

July
We spent the first ten days of July in Ethiopia...much like the first days of June for me!
We passed court on July 6th and Kalkidan Grace is officially our daughter!!!
We had an amazing mission trip/bonding trip in Ethiopia.
We came home, brokenhearted, to be leaving Kalkidan in Ethiopia, but God has just the right plans for us. We also brought home four host children. It was an eventful flight home. :)

August
We got submitted to Embassy for Kalkidan on August 10th!! We are waiting to be cleared by embassy.
Kalkidan's case stopped moving for a bit, so Adam and I decided it would be best for me to head to Ethiopia to visit with her. We still kept up hope that Kalkidan would be cleared to come home while I was there. I spent two weeks in Ethiopia waiting to hear about Kalkidan and then BAM. The door was closed. I had to leave without Kalkidan. It was heartbreaking.

September
September was the hardest month of my year. I was stretched and pulled more ways that I thought possible.
NOTHING about Kalkidan's case moved. It was heartbreaking yet again.

October
It was another difficult month in our house. Things were just really, really hard. Adjusting and figuring out our new normal took over everything in my life. I literally cannot remember anything we did this month. Nothing.

November
We cleared Embassy on November 6th!!!!! I tried to get to Ethiopia the next week, but for some reason, they were not taking appointments. We got our appointment for November 19th!
I left for Ethiopia on November 17th and I was back in the country that has forever stolen my heart for the fourth time in six months!!! Only God...
November 18th is the day that I picked up Kalkidan from the Transition Home for the very last time. She is our daughter FOREVER!!!!
Kalkidan and I get home on November 22nd, Thanksgiving Day!! It was a special, special day for our family. We are a family of five!!!!
Every day for the month of November, everyone in our family shared one thing that they are thankful for. It was so much fun to hear what the girls came up with and such a blessing to remember all of the things we have to be thankful for every single day.

December
We are getting used to life as a family of FIVE. I still can't believe this is my life! Having a sweet new daughter that comes from a really hard place is, well, really hard. We have all had to do some adjusting. We've been under a lot of stress and it has taken its toll on the whole family.
We did something fun and Christmas related every day until Christmas, which helped us connect as a family. The girls all really enjoyed it!
Makayla turned 5 years old on Christmas Day!

Our lives have been turned upside down this year. It has been nothing short of chaos and even though chaos comes with a lot of stress, I would not change any of it for the world.

I am SO looking forward to a new start and a fresh beginning! 2013 is going to be just as amazing as 2012, I can feel it! I'm also going to get my tattoos tomorrow that I've been waiting too long to get, so I'm pretty stinking excited about that! God is SO good and I can't wait to see what He has in store for me and for my precious family in 2013! Happy New Year!!

Kalkidan is HOME!!

I know this post is long overdue, but that's just my life right now. We have been home for two weeks and five days today. Kalkidan and I got home from Ethiopia on Thanksgiving Day. It was a L.O.N.G. journey home. We were stuck in the Ethiopia airport for seven hours longer than expected and of those seven hours, we were on a busted plane for three hours. Then we had to get off the busted plane, board another plane and finally, we left Ethiopia at 5 am. We should have left at 10:15 pm. Kalkidan was such a trooper during it all!! She slept the whole time we were on the busted plane, so it kind of sucked to have to wake her up to get her off, but we got through it. :)

Then we flew 17 hours to Washington DC. We stopped in Rome to refuel and that was pretty awesome. I took that time to get Kalkidan up and moving around for a bit. It was about 9 am when we landed there, so we went to the back of the plane and got a little glimpse of Italy. I hope to see more of it one day! Once we got to DC, we had obviously missed our connecting flight, but thanks to my awesome friend Erica and my awesome husband, who I texted while we were stuck in Ethiopia, Kalkidan had a seat on the next plane to Cleveland. Somehow, someone was confused in DC, so it took a while to get me a ticket, but we got them. I had to run to our gate, which is not easy carrying a 35 pound toddler that is beyond exhausted. She refused to walk so when I would put her down, she just stood there and cried. That was the hardest part of the trip home and I'm so thankful it's over. We got to the gate with 1 minute to spare, landed in Cleveland just fine and the fam was waiting to greet us with a big sign! It was a nice little welcome home and just perfect for our scared little girl.

From the day I went to get her from the Transition Home...November 18th.

So on these two weeks and five days since Kalkidan has been home, we have all had to do some adjusting around here. It's really hard getting used to having another member in the family. Yes, we have wanted Kalkidan home for so long and we have prayed for her to come home and we are so thrilled that she is a part of our family forever, but that does not mean that there aren't adjustments for all of us. Kalkidan and Addison are four months apart, so I pretty much have twins now, which is difficult to figure out. We haven't gone many places because I just don't think I can figure out how to get two toddlers anywhere right now.

The day after I picked her up forever. And her new fro. :)

She cries a lot...mostly when we tell her no or try to put her down for a nap. We are all trying to figure out our new places and how to all get along together. She is sleeping in our room for now so that we can be close to her if she wakes up in the middle of the night. Which she happened to do a lot for the first week or so. She still wakes up sometimes during the night, but now I can just go put the blanket back on her and tell her to go back to sleep and she's fine.

Everything is an adjustment around here, but we are figuring it out. Makayla and Addison have been bossing her around a lot and not including her as much as I thought they would. But I think that's pretty typical behavior. They really wanted her to come home, too, but now that she's here, they are trying to figure out how to include her and share life with her.

Our first photo as a family of six!! I still can't believe this is my life. :)

I've been telling people that ask me how it's going that it's really like having a 3 year old newborn. Everything is new to Kalkidan. She doesn't know much English so we are trying to teach her everything right now. She still doesn't know that we are her Mommy and Daddy forever. At night it's really hard because if Adam tries to take her from me, she cries with tears streaming down her face. This only happens at night, though...not during any other time.

It's hard because we don't know the trauma that she has endured in her life. We know very little of her story before she came to us, none of which we will be sharing. It is her personal story so if she wants to share it when she is older, she can do that, but we won't be making that decision for her. So we don't know what triggers some of her emotions and why, which makes it difficult to try to remedy the problem.

So yeah. Life here is hard. We are getting through it day by day and literally taking it one step at a time. I think everything that we are experiencing is totally normal because having an adopted child come home is no different than having a biological child come home. I mean, it is different in some ways, like your bio kids don't have trauma that you will never know all the details of, but it's the same in that everyone needs to figure out how to get along. And life changes with each new addition to the family, no matter how they enter the family.

We have had some super sweet moments of course, too. And no matter what, the good always outweighs the bad. We press on through the bad times, pray through it all, and hope that we will all do better the next day.

Kalkidan is such a sassy little thing and she was meant to be a part of our family. We are so blessed by her presence in our home. She makes us laugh every single day with her silly little antics. When I put her in her car seat, she scrunches up her nose just like I do because it is so dang hard to fit that belly in her seat belt. :) Also, her diapers stink far worse than any other diaper I have ever smelled (still waiting to find out of she has giardia. I say yes.) and so I cover my nose with my shirt every time I change her and now she does the same thing. She is hilarious and is picking up things so well with taking in so many new things at one time.

Yesterday we dropped Makayla off at preschool and Kalkidan blew her a kiss and said 'Ciao!'. Then Addi said, 'Bye sissy!' and Kalkidan said, 'Bye sissy!'. It was so precious!! She also says: Mommy, Daddy, No, Thank you, Please, Ababa (Daddy in Amharic), Nay (come), Bie (eat), Ow (yes) and some other things I just can't remember right now.

Daddy and his littles.

And just one more thing, mostly for my records, but I thought you might like to see the difference between my little twinsies height and weight. :)

Kalkidan on Dec. 4th: 34 inches and 33 1/2 pounds
Addison on Oct. 15th: 32 inches and 23 3/4 pounds

They tell me Addison is too skinny (5th percentile) and Kalkidan is too short (5th percentile) so maybe they just meet in the middle? HAHA!

That's all I can think of right now. A friend of mine posted this quote on Facebook the other day and I can't stop thinking about it. It's totally my life right now, but I wouldn't want it any other way. God is good. Always.

"Remember, one who enjoys more is bound to suffer more because he becomes very sensitive. But suffering is not bad. If you understand it rightly, suffering is a cleansing. If you understand it rightly, sadness has a depth to it which no happiness can ever have. A person who is simply happy is always superficial. A person who has not known sorrow and has not known sadness, has not known the depths. He has not touched the bottom of his being; he has remained just on the periphery. One has to move within these two banks. Within these two banks flows the river." -Osho

Ice Cream Time!

I was having a slight panic attack about my upcoming mission trip that is happening in FIVE DAYS!!! I found out that someone that recently went to Ethiopia had some of her stuff stolen out of her luggage. So that had me freaking out for a good part of the day today. :/

But my team leader saved the day and talked me down from my crazy. Love her!! I'm back in Sanityville now and will be taking a carry-on with most of my clothes and toiletries and then a backpack with my fun stuff...laptop, Kindle, etc. :)

So the girls and I went out for some ice cream today after dinner since Adam was at Chipotle and Janelle just left this afternoon to go back to Maryland. We were lonely and needed a pick me up. :)

This little girl is a riot!! Love her.

And this treasure is such a beauty, inside and out. Love her.

These gorgeous girls have my heart. I will treasure this picture for years to come!!

Addison kept backing up to her sister when I told them to stand by each other for a picture. :)

This is what she does when I try to take a picture. :)

Big Sister had to copy. :)

Enjoying her very first ice cream cone!!!

I'd say she loves it. :)

This girl!! She is so amazing!!

Makayla said, "I want an ice cream beard!" HAHA!

She got really sad when it started dripping on the driveway. Poor girl.

But we cleaned her up and she's happy again!!!

Makayla was trying to get her sister to look at the camera for the picture. HA!

Such a sweet little cheeser!

Just enjoying life...

Then this happened... :(

And then this happened. Yep, that's Makayla giving her cone to Addison. I am so thankful that I captured this. What a precious sight. No coaxing from Mommy or anything. Just the pure instincts of her heart to give her little sister her cone when she dropped hers on the driveway. Such a compassionate and loving little girl. I am so proud.

I also got prayed for by some fabulous people at our church. This was the first time anyone has laid hands on me for prayer. They prayed for my mission trip and it was such a huge blessing to know how much people care. And guess what? The pastor knew my name! The last church we attended for almost a year, the pastor didn't know what my name was, so this was a nice surprise. It's nice to know that people will be praying for me while I'm gone.

I literally leave in 5 days!!! Less than that now since it's so late here, but oh my gosh...

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!! 

I am so excited to have the opportunity to be going on a mission trip to a country that I dearly love. I've been praying my heart out this week and sharing all my anxieties with Jesus and praying that He would calm my heart. The only thing I'm really anxious about right now is not getting all of my stuff when we arrive in Ethiopia...or someone stealing something from my bag. But, I've been talking it out with God. And that ice cream helped a little bit, too. :)

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all the mamas out there! I had a wonderful Mother's Day!! Got a beautiful card from my precious girls. Had our moms over for dinner. Got some spending money for Ethiopia and a gorgeous flower for my porch!

Adam made us all chicken fettucine alfredo with salad and veggies. Oh man, it was so good!! Then Sarah (Adam's little sis) made us a lime cheesecake for dessert. We had a great time just hanging out and chatting it up.

Then everyone went outside to play and Addison fell and whacked her face on the ground. Poor girl! She was going after the ball and it rolled away and she fell on the pavement. :(

So, here are some pictures from our fun day.

Addison found a four leaf clover yesterday! Guess it didn't help her out too much.

My precious gifts from the Lord on Mother's Day. LOVE them.

And again. I am so thankful to be their Mommy. <3

Our family on Mother's Day! Don't think we forgot about our Ethiopia Baby today!! Adam was reppin' for him or her all day. :)

My mom and I. I am SO thankful for her. :D

My two moms. They're amazing.

And here is Addison's little face. It's not keeping her spirits down, though! :)

Last Week!

Last week was crazy busy! I let my life get the best of me and I totally forgot to blog about it. Instead I just enjoyed it! :)

Addison had her first ever popsicle on May 1st. She totally loved it.

Last Wednesday, I turned 28 years old! I know, I can't believe it either. My day was wonderful. I went to bed on May 1st reading the sweetest text message from my mom and then woke up to awesome texts from my family and countless birthday wishes on Facebook!

The girls and I went to lunch with my mom...Fiesta Jalapeno's. YUM. She got me some pretty fabulous stuff from Delicate Fortress, which I am in love with!! :) I left Makayla at my mom's and took Addison to the doctor because she's been falling lately while walking. There's nothing in her way and she doesn't trip on anything. So weird. Anyway, I took her to the doctor to see if she had an ear infection or something and that would affect her balance. He checked her ears, saw a bunch of wax, took the wax out and in the process, nicked both of her ear drums. I know, right? Not cool. She was SCREAMING so I knew it was bad. He said she'd be fine, but there might be some blood coming out of her ear later. Way to freak a Mama out!

So long story short, she's fine. She hasn't tripped since we took her to the doctor. Which sounds very much like when she wasn't walking and we took her to an orthopedic surgeon and she started walking the next day. This child. ;) There was a lot of blood in her ear the next day, but like I said, she's fine now.

After that, we headed home for nap time since my precious girl was exhausted. She napped and I'm sure I watched some tv show and waited for Adam to get home. We went to Olive Garden for dinner and Addison hated life. I don't blame her, though. We got through it (somehow!) and headed home for bed time. A pretty great birthday...except for my baby girl getting her ear drums nicked. :(

Last Thursday was Adam's 28th birthday! We're a day apart...pretty sweet, huh? :) Makayla had a Mother's Day Tea at her school, too. So Addi and I went there. It was pretty cute. They sang two songs that they made up and then we had some snacks. We met Adam at Pizza Hut by his work for lunch and had a fun time. After that, we came home for nap time and then we went to Old Carolina for dinner with my mom and stepdad. It was really fun, though Addison was still hating life, which makes it difficult to take her anywhere. :) And that was that!

Whenever we pick Makayla up from school, Addison runs into the classroom and they are SO happy to see each other!! They hug and I was trying to catch it, but the kids were all lined up so it didn't work out. :) 

Her flower cookie.

This is what Addi does when I take pictures of her now. I think she's trying to fit herself into the shot. ;)

Not the greatest picture of any of us, but it's me and my girls.

Makayla with her precious little card and coaster that she made me. <3

Friday we stayed home because we already spent enough money this week!! HA!

Saturday we went to Empress Taytu with Adam's mom, stepdad and little brother. It was amazing, as usual!! This is only the second time we have ever been there and the third time we have had Ethiopian food and I think it gets better every time!!! We had great conversation and then met a sweet Ethiopian princess named Sofie. Her little face was painted up from something that was going on in Cleveland. She was so precious! I was coming out of the bathroom and she was going in and asked me if anyone else was in there. I told her no and she said, 'I want to go look in the mirror and see my face.' I told her she looks beautiful and she said, 'Mmmhmmm.' BAHAHAHA!! The girls both loved her and little Sofie even came over to say hi to the girls. It was super precious.

Before we left for Empress Taytu.

Daddy and his girls before dinner.

Take one at a family photo...

Take two...

And take three...the best we're gonna get, I think! ;)

Sunday we stayed home because our week has been crazy busy! And then Monday was our anniversary...