06 January 2015

Mom Guilt.

This morning, as I was getting the girls in the car for school, I kept thinking about how quickly this time passes. All this time when my girls are little.

Some days I wish it away and just want them to be self sufficient. Other days I want them to be little forever. Every mom has their moments and it's so hard to just live IN the moment, ya feel me?

But this morning, Makayla climbed in the car and she just looked so. little. I lingered a little bit longer and stared at her teeny tiny feet dangling from her car seat. Sure she just turned seven and oh my gosh, how did that happen and why all the growing?, but also she is just so dang tiny!

And this morning I just relished in that. Seven is, like, way too old for me, y'all. It means she's really growing up and I just can't cope with that. At least at this very moment in time. But you know, I go back to the ugh, just grow up already! side way too fast.

I'm a big emotional mess. I love my girls growing up because they are SO fun and funny and sweet and seeing how Makayla loves her sisters just slays me in every way possible. And then I hate my girls growing up because they are becoming independent and Addison understands, like, everything I say to her and when did that happen?!

It's a confusing time for me. I have literally loved every stage my girls have been in...even the one year long Makayla crying and not sleeping stage. Okay, maybe that wasn't my favorite stage, but she was an itty bitty baby and MY itty bitty baby and she was perfect and she still is and run on sentences are my favorite!

My point is: I love hearing my girls have conversations with each other. I love when they all play together. I love hearing them scheming with each other from the next room. I love when they joke with each other and get along. I love that they always want to be together. I love it all. And I have loved all of the stages, but it goes so freaking fast.

And then sometimes I feel guilty. Guilty that I didn't just relish in the moments like I should have. Guilty that I can't remember every single thing they have said over their short little childhoods. Guilty that I don't take more pictures and videos. Guilty that I haven't taken them to enough places. Guilty that we don't do enough during the day. Guilty that I say no too often. Guilty for the amount of tv they watch. I feel guilty about pretty much everything.

Guilt is just not a fun place to live. It's exhausting worrying about all of that stuff! And you know what? My girls just love being with me. They love talking to me and asking me every question under the sun. They love when I just get on the floor and play with them. Addison asks me almost every day, 'Um, Mommy...can I tell you something?' My response every time is, 'You can ALWAYS tell me something.'

I don't need to feel guilty for all that stuff. We have videos. We have pictures. We do so many awesome and fun things. The girls have so many wonderful memories already and they talk about them all the time!

Mom guilt is so real. And so stupid. I'm quitting. That's my New Year's Resolution. Quit the Mom guilt because nothing good can come of it.

I'm going to enjoy my babies while they're little. AND I'm going to enjoy them growing up! Because it is just so freaking fun!!

But for now, I'm just gonna focus on those little dangling feet and hope they stay around a little while longer.

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