Today, Kalkidan has been home for ONE YEAR! I still can't believe it. And I still don't know how to feel about it. Just keepin' it real around here. It has been a very long and very hard, hard year.
We've had very many rough patches in bringing our third daughter home. There's been lots of confusion, pain, tears, trauma, screaming, exhaustion, etc. From all of us. I feel like bringing home a two year old that you know pretty much nothing about is one of the hardest things ever. It's NOTHING like bringing home a newborn. Not at all the same. Kalkidan came home with her own personality. She already knew her likes and dislikes. She already knew a language. And then we bring her home two, almost three, years later and EVERYTHING gets flipped upside down for her. We are speaking a different language, have completely different foods, everything smells different. We are all white. She's not. It's a freaking lot.
So, it's been a painful year, to say the least. But it feels like we are getting closer to coming out on the other side. I feel like I get a lot of the hurt and pain because I'm with Kiki 24/7, which makes it harder. Adam is AMAZING at giving me breaks here and there, but with all that we've had going on with moving to Texas and getting everything set up here, it's been hard. He did let me get away for a weekend earlier this month (or was it last?!), but the day in and day out business is exhausting.
I guess that's all I'm going to say about it. I'm not going to tell you that adoption is the best thing that has happened to us because I don't feel that way yet. Does that mean I don't love my middle daughter? No way. I love her so much. I just can't tell you that all the pain and hurt and trauma that comes with bringing her home has been amazing. Because that part hasn't.
But every time she smiles at me? That. That is worth it.