04 August 2011

Life As A Mom.

Sometimes I think having a difficult first baby is hard. Really, really hard.

Makayla NEVER slept as a baby. And I literally mean never. She would stay up all day AND all night. I don't know how she did it. I'm not sure how I survived. I didn't blog when she was first born and it's probably better that way. I'm not sure I would have many good things to say. Sure, she was my beautiful, squishy baby, but man oh man, was she a tiring baby. And she never let me get a break. Okay, maybe 30 minutes a day.

It was very hard. Very, very hard.

I can't even put into words how difficult that year was. My life was flipped upside down by having a baby. And then I had a baby that wouldn't stop crying. And a husband that had to go to work everyday. And no family around, so no one to help me or take the baby. It was insanely difficult.

Somehow, we pushed through. And we came out the other side.

Makayla and I are both stronger for it. But there are days (like today) where I really feel like we struggle to get along with each other. It doesn't help that she is very much like me...stubborn, wants her way and completely bull-headed. She is also hilarious, insanely adorable and has THE best hair.

Pros and cons, baby. Pros and cons.

Today was just a hard day.

I love both of my girls differently. And our third child will be the same way. I will love him or her differently. And I don't think that's a bad thing.

Adam and I tend to baby Addison. She is the baby of the house for now. She isn't pulling herself up. She's not standing. She's not cruising. Every time she cries, we pick her up. With Makayla, we would make her cry a little bit before getting her. I think we wanted Makayla to figure everything out on her own, so we pushed her harder. With Addison, we don't push as much. There are consequences for both ways, I believe.

I don't favor one of my daughters over the other. I think Makayla and I got off to a rough start, but every day we are building our relationship to make it better and better. Yes, I know she was just a baby and she has no idea, but I have to remember to let go of the past and move on.

I was blessed with a spirited baby and now a spirited child. I was also blessed with a chill baby who is becoming a chill toddler. Most days, Addi goes with the flow. She just rolls with it. Makayla is very high strung, but that's how she's wired. Just like me.

She doesn't always listen, but what 3.5 year old does? She is beautiful and oh so smart. She makes me laugh every day.

I love my daughters.

Makayla and I have our difficulties. Sometimes I get upset with Addison. But, I am their mother and I love them deeply and more fiercely than anyone else on this planet.

1 comment:

Tiffany said...

This is how I feel about Meredith, the baby girl I have always wanted. And I hate that my comments and frustration may have made people feel like I complain a lot, or may not be loving her the way I should.
She is everything I have ever wanted. But it can be exhausting. Especially with a very adventurous, rambunctious toddler to wrangle as well.
I wish more mothers would/could speak honestly about the way things really are. The 'downs' as well as the 'ups'.