14 November 2008

As Of Late

Lately, I've been having "off" days and "on" days.
It seems to be an off day and then an on day.
On my off days, I don't normally take a shower. Kinda gross, but I don't ever leave the house on these days, so it's cool.
I get really depressed on my off days and I feel mopey and then I feel guilty for not taking Makayla out of the house.

On my on days, I am so on, it's not even funny!
I take a shower during Makayla's first nap, I do my hair, put on makeup and get crap done all day long.
I mean, it is ridiculous how on I actually am on my on days.
I rock my socks AND Makayla's because she gets to see the world and that is glorious!!

So today I was having an off day.
I do not like off days.
I decided to change my off day into an on day.
I just took a shower and I'm ready to face the world.
It's actually kind of an in between day, but it's been than an off day, right?

I need to get out of this rut I'm stuck in.
I don't feel like cleaning up.
I don't feel like doing laundry or folding it or cleaning the bathrooms or doing dishes or even getting Makayla from her crib in the mornings.

I think part of the problem is that during the evening, I usually only get naps. 
I don't ever get a full 8 hours.
Ever. Ever. Never.

Which is fine and dandy when you first have a baby because everything's all squishy and new and shiny and snuggly and warm and cozy and I have a baby!!!
But at 10 1/2 months, it's time to sleep through the night, sista!

So I do believe I am going to start Operation Wean.
Yes, I am so ready to be done breastfeeding, it is not even funny.
I'm like all scared to give her cow's milk, but she's been eating cheese for a while now and seems to be doing fine with it, so what's the difference right?
I know weaning is probably going to be a process, but I'm praying that it'll just flow and we can just slowly cut back and back and back until we are no more with the boob and the baby's mouth, yaknowwhadimean?

I have this overwhelming feeling that that may be a part of why I'm all mopey and crap.
I hate busting out my boob in public. Hate it.
I do it, but I hate it.
I hate having to wear special shirts and special bras because of said busting out boobs.

I hate having to think about if I'm out, am I going to have to bust out the boob?
I know not all my problems are going to go away if I stop breastfeeding, but it will seriously make my life so much easier.
Just take a sippy cup of milk and let's roll!

I could pump, but Makayla hasn't had a bottle in a while and we're so close to the end, I say let's just wean!
I'm done being a dairy cow already!!
And then.
Oh and then.
Once I'm done with the boob factory, I could go out and not have to worry about coming home for Makayla's dinner or lunch or whatever.
She can spend the whole day with Daddy and I can go shopping or run or whatever I want to do, really!
I won't have to stop something and whip my bustacular out!

I'm so excited for that day.

But for now, we wait.
It is a wonderful day.


Michelle said...

I think weaning will help so much. I was relly depressed when I was breastfeeding for the reasons you mentioned. You're lucky you can go straight to a sippy cuz Samantha is almost one and she still needs a bottle to sleep and be in the car, and well, pretty much everything! It's so annoying. I recommend just leaving a cup of water in the crib with Makayla that way when she wakes up in the middle of the night she can just reach over and grab that. It works for Samantha. I hoep this helps and I hope you feel better. I hate off days too. I know exactly what you are talking about.

Michelle said...

i have "mom" brain. correction: Samantha is 15 months old, not almost one.

Becks said...

You are right we are so on the same page! I totally and completely get what you mean about on and off days!! I hate the off days! I feel like I have them too often! They suck and makes me feel like a bad mom. Especially when Sophia is all crazy and clingy it makes me want to not do anything. Not that I even could because she is in my arms all the time! I love what you wrote about not getting sleeps but getting naps. Soo true. Only cute and fine when they are all itty bitty. I mean hello I have a 13 month old. Not so cute anymore!!

Good luck with the weaning! I started Sophia on only cows milk just today actually. So far so good. She was formula fed anyways. My goal is to cut out all bottles asap!! Fingers crossed for us both!