I have started a journal for her, writing so many things in it, but my hand starts cramping up, so I will continue here:
You are so perfect and amazingly beautiful. You stun me with your beauty every single day. I look at you and still can't believe you're mine. The Lord has blessed us with such an amazing gift. I can't wait for you to one day read all the many things you've done in your short 5 month life. I know I've started this late and I wish I could go back and start it when you were born, but I can't. I will one day recount stories from when you were younger, but for now, here are some of the millions of things I love about you.
*When you wake up in the morning or after a nap and I come in to get you and you smile at me so big, like it's been forever since you've last seen me.
*Holding you before a nap and you cry for two minutes and then start to suck your thumb and fall asleep. I wish I could hold you forever while you sleep, but then, I wouldn't get anything done and you'd never sleep in your crib.
*Watching you play with your toys on your playmat or blanket. Or in your ExerSaucer. You will just laugh and talk and sing all day long.
*Listening to you in your crib after a nap, cooing at yourself. You just love to talk!
*Feeding you new foods and getting to see the look on your face every time, because you forget what it tasted like the last time.
*Nursing you. Ever. Any time of day. It never gets old to me. At first, it was hard, but now I would not trade it for anything in the world. Those moments are precious between us, baby girl.
*Getting up with you in the middle of the night. I know it sounds silly, but it's just me and you and I love that.
*Blowing raspberries on your belly and seeing your face light up and you laugh and laugh.
*Doing squats with you and you laughing so hard, I think you might pop!
*Taking you out somewhere, anywhere and every single person that sees you, comments on how beautiful you are and what a great baby you are.
*Taking you out somewhere, anywhere and you being so well behaved, you exceed all my expectations of what I thought was going to happen. And by expectations, I mean, I think you are going to scream and cry the whole time and you never do. Never.
*When I hold you, you look up at the ceiling fan or light and just stare at it.
*Kissing you all over. And over. And over. It never gets old.
*Smelling you any time of day. Even if you haven't had a bath yet, you always smell good. All th time. It's wonderful. I wish I could bottle up your scent so that when you're older, I can smell it and remember these times.
*Playing with you on the floor.
*Watching you scoot around on the floor or in your crib. You get yourself into crazy positions in that crib of yours and I come save the day for you. You scoot around on the floor and get in the middle of the living room floor and it cracks me up every time. You move so much! You'll be crawling before I know it!
*Hearing your voice.
*Getting to see you experience something new. Like, the first time we put you in your swing. Or the first time you went in your ExerSaucer. Or the first time you went to San Francisco. Or the first time you went in your car seat. Such small things, but so very big for you.
*Missing you when you're sleeping. Even if you were crying so loudly it made my ears bleed, as soon as you're sleeping, I just want to go back into your room and snatch you up and hold you all night long. I seriously miss you, even though you're just in the next room.
*Hearing you cry when I leave the room. It breaks my heart, but it makes me so happy because I know that you know that I'm your Mama and you don't want me to go. That won't last forever. One day, you won't want me around. And that will break my heart even more.
*Getting to be with you every single moment of every day. This means I never miss a milestone. I never have to miss anything you do. That is wonderful and I am so very happy that that is the way it is.
*Going to check on you to make sure you're sleeping and not just playing in your crib. Sometimes you're so quiet in there and I wouldn't know if you were playing or not, unless I go check. There are times when I'm so very tired, but I still check to make sure you're sleeping because I want you to have the best rest possible.
*Getting up with you at 6am every day. I know that sounds silly and at the time, I hate it. But, again, I know it won't last forever. Eventually you'll be sleeping in too late and we will miss things becaus you didn't get up. And you won't want to wake up to play with me anymore. So for now, I cherish it.
*Watching you suck your thumb. I think I may have put that already, but it deserves mentioning twice. You never did take a pacifier and before you were born, I was completely against it. But on day 12 of your little life, you cried so stinking much that I didn't know what else to do. We tried a paci and you were not having it. We tried and tried and tried for months and you never took it for more than 10 minutes. Now you finally have the miracle that is your thumb. The left one to boot. It makes Daddy proud because he's a lefty. I sucked my thumb for 11 years and I hope you don't do the same. But for now, I love it. You use it to fall asleep blissfully, instead of screaming yourself to sleep. It's wonderful. I'm so amazed. You have to rub your head to get it in your mouth, though. It's adorable. I'm in awe of you, baby girl.
*Seeing you react to anything. Ever. You will stare at me from across the room and as soon as I look up at you, you smile the biggest smile I've ever seen.
*Watching you be happy. It's a far cry from when you were first born. You made me question my mothering skills for a long while. But now that you're on a schedule of sorts, things are much better around here. You sleep better. You eat better. And you don't cry nearly as much as you did those first 3 months.
*Anticipating your next move. What milestone will you hit next? When will you be crawling? Teething? Although, I think you are now... Standing on your own? Walking? Talking? Sleeping all night? You did sleep all night last night and I'm praying that it'll continue from here. But, at the same time, it'll be sad. I won't get to be with you in the middle of the night. It's the end of an era.
*Hearing you scream at the top of your lungs. It's a beautiful sound.
*Watching you roll over from your belly to your back when you haven't done it in a while. Your Daddy and I will clap and smile and shout, Yay! Big girl! to you and you will smile back. It's a wonderful feeling.
*Taking you over to the mirror in your room or the bathroom or our room and when you look at it and see yourself, you just smile so big.
*Playing SuperBaby with you. You absolutely love when we hold you and lift you up in the air over our heads. You look down at us and smile. It's amazing.
*Smelling you. Think I already said that. But your neck, in particular. I always smell you. Constantly.
*Going in to check on your before Daddy and I go to bed for the night. You always look so peaceful and sound asleep. We always hold your hand and rub your sweet baby hair before we leave the room.
*Your gorgeous, soft skin. It's so smooth and glorious. I wish I could keep it forever.
*When I hold you, after feeding you before bedtime, while you're sleeping, you just lay on my shoulder, with your left hand on my arm. It is such a beautifully sweet moment between mother and daughter, something I will cherish forever. And moments I will never get back. Luckily, you're not all growed up yet, so I've still got some time to remember and keep these memories forever in my mind.
I will miss these days, Makayla. I know there are so many other things to look forward to in your life, but I will miss these things when you no longer do them. I already miss your newborn days. The first time you cried. The first time I got to hold you 3 hours after you were born. The first time I breastfed you. The first two days in the hospital. The first time you looked up at me and actually knew that I was your Mommy. The first night you slept in your crib. The first time you sat up on your own. The first time you laughed. The first time you ate rice cereal. The first time you screamed at the top of your lungs.
There are so many moments that we won't get back in this short span of your life you have lived. There are so many moments that I will never forget. There are so many things I wish I could relive. Even the sleepless nights that I was so exhausted and you were crying your head off and I tried for hours on end to get you to sleep, but you weren't having it. I actually miss that. I feel bad for the people that have such easy babies. They will never have the memories I have with you and the great stories that I will one day get to share with you.
You are one wonderful baby. You astound me every day. When you go to sleep without crying, I'm shocked. Still. And you've been sucking your thumb for a while now. When you wake up and are not crying, I'm shocked. Still. When you play on your mat and look up at me and smile, I'm shocked. Still. When you roll over, I'm shocked. Still. When you are out in public and don't cry, I'm shocked. Still.
You are just purely and simply amazing. You are nothing short of extraordinary and I hope you know that for the rest of your life.
I know there are things I have forgotten to write in here and I will always feel bad for not starting this blog and journaling earlier in your lifetime. But, I can start it now and try to remember as much as I can from your first 5 months of your life.
I love you always and forever,