02 July 2009


I lost my temper today.
On multiple occasions.
It's no secret that I am not the most patient person in the world.
And it's definitely no secret that I get mad at almost everything.
When Adam got home from work, we had a few errands to run before he went off to Vision and I put Makayla to bed.
Almost immediately after we put Makayla into her car seat, she started flipping out and crying.
Mind you, we have a great schedule down and she eats her snacks and meals at the same time every day (roughly).
So she just ate a snack and there was no way she was hungry.
Also? She hardly ever cries when we're in the car anymore. She used to EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So today was a whole lot of screaming and that's really hard on the ears. Especially in such a tiny car.
Adam ran into Kinko's to get something printed out and we stayed in the car. Bad idea.
Makayla freaked her freak the entire time. Screamed. Tears streaming down her face.
Why didn't I take her out you ask?
Because I knew that if I did that, it would have been 10 times worse when I went to put her back in.
After that we ran over to WalMart for a quick stop.
I took her out and she screamed.
I put her down so she could walk and all was well.
She ran around that entire store, I am certain of it.
When we were done?
Yep, more screaming until we got home.
And gave her dinner.
And then she was good for the rest of the night. She even let me read her YBCR books!!

All of that to say that right before she got her dinner (while I was making it!) and she was waiting, she screamed and I might have told her to shut up. A few times.
It's very grating on the nerves, the crying.
I apologized later. 
She knows I love her.
It definitely was not my proudest moment, but it's not the first time it's happened, either.
There was a time when she was just a wee little thing and would not stop screaming at the top of her lungs at 3 in the morning.
I took her out into the living room (in our old house) and laid her on the floor and screamed back at her. Yikes.
Obviously she cried even harder.
Luckily Adam heard everything and woke up and told me to go to bed. If you know my husband you know that he sleeps like a freaking log. NOTHING wakes this man up.
But God was definitely watching out for all of us and woke him up.
Again not my proudest moment. It's hard having a newborn. Or a 3 month old. Or an 18 month old. Whatever.
It's hard being a freaking mom and while I love Makayla dearly, sometimes she drives me up the wall and I forget that I need to stay in control.
I'll do better tomorrow.


Anonymous said...

I know what you mean. When the three of us were flying home from my Mom's house Reese would NOT take a nap! And continued to cry and scream for about 2 hours straight. And, of course everyone looks at you, and roll their eyes. What am I supposed to do? Out of frustration I told her to "Shut up." Joey told me to never tell her that again. I nearly started crying, and was embarrassed, and felt guilty! Sometimes we lose our patience as parents. But, if our kids never push us, we wouldn't become as patient as we are. So the next time it happens, you know you'll be able to handle it better!! It is hard being a Mom, you constantly worry if you're doing things correctly, this, that and the other. Tomorrow is always another day!

You are the best Mom to Makayla, otherwise God wouldn't have given her to you! He knew what you could handle, and what you needed!!

Ky and Kami's mom said...

Girl...you are totally normal. Not to scare you, but I'd be lying if I said it got better when they're 3 AND have a sibling. I feel like Ky annoys me more often than she doesn't. And Kami is the most impatient child ever. She will just start screaming when she's hungry, no indication that it's coming soon, just full on scream out of nowhere. I have told Ky to shut up a few times. And I've had to just walk away and scream at the top of my lungs to get it out. The other day Ky was purposely stalking me while I was on the phone with my mom, putting her feet in my face and stuff. So I came upstairs and locked the door so she couldn't bother me. Vic was home so he could watch her. Kids! I think they're made to try our patience!