13 May 2009


So these past few days, I have really lacked motivation. I did not work out today. Yet. I have big plans to work out after ANTM's season finale tonight. We'll see. I'm just one of those people that really hates taking two showers a day if I don't have to and well, to me, I don't have to if I don't work out, so there. I should be working out right now while Makayla takes her morning nap, but I feel drained. Excessively. I think it's from the lack of eating out since Sunday. I know that's not a long time to not go out to eat, but I seriously eat out every single day. It's so bad for me, I know, but it's one of those things I'm trying to kick. Hence, Sunday.

Anyway, every morning when I wake up, I feel so exhausted. Maybe it's because Makayla has been waking up before 7 for the last week and a half. Maybe it's because I haven't been drinking as much pop as I normally do. We stopped buying Dr. Pepper to keep in the house. I'm working on it, I really am. Maybe it's because I go to bed at 10pm, which isn't all that late, but I'm pretty sure I lay in bed until at least 11pm because my body rocks like that. No matter what it is, I'm always tired. Maybe it's because I'm too fat.

I'm working on it. All of it. I have been working out. I just really need the motivation. I thought I'd get the motivation from wanting to have another baby, but not wanting to be this fat while having another baby. Well, that's not working out so hot for me, either. I'm trying. I am so trying. But not hard enough, I guess. I don't ever really want to cook food, either. I dunno. I'm in a funk.

And just today, I have been feeling like I have nothing to look forward to. Our (me and M) days are always the same. Always. Every day. We don't do anything. But in reality, I do have some things to look forward to. My dad is coming out here on the 22nd for 9 days, so that's going to be really fun. This weekend, we are going to Monterey as a family. I am totally stoked about that! In June, I am taking M to a gymnastics class every Wednesday morning and then in August, I will be going back to college! So you see, there are things for me to look forward to. But alas, there is nothing happening right now. Ya feel me? I need/want something to do every single day. A reason to shower, if you will. I constantly feel bad for not taking Makayla to more places, but I feel so confined by her schedule that I feel like I can't do anything. I limit myself a lot, I know that.

End rant.


Becks said...

I hear ya girlfriend!! I feel the same way most days. For me trying to balance working from home 20 hrs/week and being a SAHM is draining. I want to excercise but am so drained when i have the time to do it that all i want to do is veg out...and i am getting fatter and fatter. It makes me want to scream!!! I want another baby soon and i NEED to lose weight first, so u think that would motivate me..but umm ya not so much!!! It is tough being a mom. I dont think everyone gets that. I look at all the skinny, put together moms and I hate them, haha. I am so jealous I just want to be one of them!!

I am here for you! We are in the same boat, we can do it!!

Ky and Kami's mom said...

Since I've had Kamaya, I hardly ever get a shower in...and then I don't get dressed and go anywhere. By the end of the day, with me still in jammies, I feel like a bum because I haven't done anything. I hate that feeling. And working out sucks, so does cooking! So I feel you there!

Anonymous said...

I know this is an old post but I felt like I had to tell you.
You deserve to be happy! If you don't have the motivation I hope this helps! Don't be so hard on yourself. Rome wasn't built in one day. You'll lose the weight. Just be determined and set a goal missy! If getting sweaty and taking two showers is what will eventually get you to your goal then do it! I know you Linds, you're heart is always in the right place. I hate that you say you're too fat. You're a beautiful person. Whatever makes you a better Mom and makes you happy is always the right choice.

If I were still there I'd offer to go to the gym with you. Don't talk badly about yourself. You'll start to believe it, and it's not true!

Sorry, I wish I could have written that to you in an email but I don't have it. Best of luck and get outta that funk! Always be optimistic.