02 July 2008

Cold Turkey, it's the way to go.

So there's this thing.
This thing that I have been obsessing over for months now.
I am going to divulge no more than that. Deal with it.
But tonight, I have decided that I am going to stop.

I used to get some mild form of pleasure out of it.
It was my secret.
But now I'm confessing it to the internet. (Not that anyone reads this besides my mom anyway. :D)
I am quitting cold turkey.
I need to.
There are so many other things I can focus all this energy on.
No reason to do the same thing 5837375 times a day. Seriously.
I have pillows to make. Scrapbooks to start. And to finish. Clothes to go through. Books to read. TV shows to catch up on. Um, a baby to raise!!!!!

I am going to stop "checking".
Stop "reading".
Stop "investigating".
Because I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of knowing the information that I know right now. It's better off that I don't know what's being said, right? I mean all I do is mull over it all day long and THAT'S definitely not healthy!!
So I. Am. Done.

That chapter of my life is over. At least I thought it was.
It came back.
And then before I could get used to it being back, it was gone again, just like that.
And I am most definitely cool with that.
I wasn't at first, hence the "obsessing" and the "checking".
But was it all really worth it? The pain? The heartache? The "talks"? The sorrow? The worries? The fill in the blanks?

So now I'm done. 
REALLY closing that chapter of my life.
I want no more to do with it.

On that note, I am exhausted right now.
No more Dr. Pepper for me. For serious this time. 
I always say that and then once I get it, it just tastes so good that I can't stop and before ya know it, I'm awake for the rest of the night. I never thought that caffeine actually did anything to me before, but now that sleep is such a precious commodity, I know it does have an effect. And it's not a good one.

I just stayed up for over two hours reading some person's blog that I don't even know. The whole thing. Eck. I mean it was fun while I did it, but seriously? Was it necessary? No. But, I guess it's one less thing I have to do tomorrow. 

Gah, when did I become such a loser?

I'm totally joking. Because I already know I'm awesome. And I am not going to wallow in my self pity because I have so much! And I am so far beyond blessed, it isn't even funny. And even though I just brushed my teeth and took out my contacts and checked on Makayla for the zillionth time in order to get ready for that wonderful slumber, I'm still here, you dirty internet,  you. I still maintain the fact that we should get rid of it, but others in the household object. Some good can come of it, but not with this gal. Blech.

I also want to get rid of my cell phone, amongst other things. I know, I know. None of my familia lives out here and it's really my only lifeline to them...other than this blog, but seriously. They are the only people I talk to and Adam is most likely getting an iPhone soon, so I can just use his phone, right? Right. And it's such a huge amount of money to be putting into it every month. I contemplated getting a BlackBerry last month and then when we went to check it out, realized that you can only purchase said phone if you get the $29.95/month plan to check your email and have internet access on said phone. Um, about how much I do not need that. I barely use my phone as is and it's a loverly Razr. So whatevs. But seriously, we are probably going to be strapped tighter for money in the next few months than we ever have been and I don't see it necessary to have a cellular device any longer. Maybe we'll get a $5.00 house phone instead. And if Adam goes through with the plan to get the new iPhone, then he'll have to switch to AT&T anyway and I'm not down with that.

It's a whole big mess, I tell ya.

I think we're gonna have a garage sale soon. I just need to purge my life. And my house. Get rid of the nasties. I really hope I can follow through with my newfound desires. 

Alllllllllllllll that being said, I'm going to sleep. Hopefully. I'll probably stay awake and dream about some stupid list that I. MUST. WRITE. DOWN. NOW. 

It can wait.


4 Little Men & Twins said...

Thanks so much for stopping by my blog. You have a beautiful family... your little girl is ADORABLE.

hope to hear from you again,


Becks said...

It's not just your mom who is reading!! I haven't been able to peruse blogs like normal having company and all.

Just want to say that I can relate to everything u just wrote. I am addicted to Diet Pepsi..I try every few weeks to quit. Yet the sweet nectar of the Gods pulls me back in every.time.

I should be showering/cleaning up/being more productive but no here I sit obsessing over other yummy mommy blogs. :)

Britt said...

Best of luck with your new goals. I, too, have so much I need to give up in my life, but I'm so weak!!!