Preschool Graduation!

You guys.

My babies graduated preschool last night. Do you know what that means?

THEY ARE GOING TO KINDERGARTEN NEXT YEAR!!

What?! What is life? What is happening? Where am I? Who are these children?

I don't even know.

So anyway, they had their graduation ceremony last night and it was so sweet and tiny and beautiful and all the things. Addison and Kalkidan both walked out so proud to get their little diplomas and I just die all over the place.

Addison's class was first and then a different class and then Kalkidan's. After the graduation, each class sang a song. It was so cute and precious and I had tears streaming down my face during both girls' performances. They had it set up so the parents for each class could come up during their performance and take pictures and video and stuff. So when Addi graduated, we left M at our seats and when we came back, she said, 'I almost cried watching Addi graduate! She's just so little!'

She asked if she could come up with us during their songs and of course, we said yes. Then when they are performing, I look at Makayla and she is crying her eyes out!! Both times!! Then she tells me, "I'm just so proud of my sisters! I can't believe they are growing up and they will be at my school next year!"

You guys, I die. She has THE sweetest and most loving heart ever. She is the best big sister in the entire world and I am so proud of her and her little sisters.

It was a tearful event last night, but they were all happy tears! We ended the evening with a little treat for the graduates. Makayla wanted to get them flowers, but she said the flowers smelled like goldfish, so she went the safer route with a mug and stuffed animal. She has the heart of an angel, you guys.

I am just so proud and in awe of all three of my darlings. Of how much they are learning and growing on a daily basis. Of how kind they are to each other and to their friends. Of the love they share for our little family. Of how protective they all are of their sisters. I'm just so proud and in awe of them.

They are my life and I wouldn't change them for the world.

Congrats, graduates! You are the sweetest little biscuits of life. And your big sister is so, so freaking proud.

FRIDAY!!!!

It has been a crazy busy week around here!!

The babies had their usual Tuesday and Thursday school days. Kalkidan had an extra school day on Monday, which is awesome for her and me! So I just had little Addi to take care of all day. It was awesome! We went to Cracker Barrel for a late breakfast, just her and I. It was so fun. I love getting to spend one on one time with my girls. It makes them feel special and it makes me feel special. Pouring into their lives is SO important. Nurturing them and listening to their hearts, I just love hearing every little thing that comes out of their mouths. Then we came home and watched Frosty the Snowman, because duh! My girls are totally obsessed with that movie right now. It's so cute.

Of course we had ballet on Monday night, as usual. Makayla got to dance with her teacher as her partner for the second part of class. They have a video monitor in the waiting room area thing and I just love getting to watch her. She is so poised and she adores ballet. She talks about how she knows French all the time. :)

On Tuesday I went to lunch with Makayla at school. It took time out of my 'busy' day 'off' from children, but it's totally worth it. Spending one on one time again. She LOVES it when I come see her at school for lunch. I try to go every week, but sometimes, I just don't want to. I know that might sound awful, but I need a break from all the running, too! So we had a sweet time chattin' it up. Her teacher told me that day that she is getting an award today! But I'll get to that in a minute.

I decided Wednesday was for staying home. I didn't do anything. The littles played on the iPad and watched tv and played and ate lunch.

Addison's little class had a Thanksgiving lunch on Thursday and they invited the parents to come. So I did! She looked so sweet! They made little Indian hats with feathers that said what they are thankful for. Too adorable! She is SO quiet at school, which was really weird to see, because she is definitely NOT like that at home!! So then I went to sit down on the floor next to her and totally sat in something wet. I don't even want to think about what it was. My bootay was wet for the rest of the day...until I got a chance to come home and shower. I'm just hoping it was juice. Such is life with four year olds! :)

Before the lunch I volunteered at M's school, like I do every Thursday. I love those kids. Listening to them read sight words is so much fun for me! I LOVE reading so I want to foster the love of reading in every child everywhere!! Especially mine at home. Makayla LOVES to read and she does every chance she gets. She'll even read while watching TV! Talk about multi tasking! HAHA!

Thursday evening we had Open House at Makayla's school. She was so excited to show us everything in her school! Before we left she was telling us allll about the places she was going to take us! Mind you, we've been to her school a billion times, but it was super sweet to see her excitement. We got to see her Theater Room, Gymnasium, Music Room, the Library and of course, her classroom. They made these super sweet little pictures and 3D pumpkins that they had sitting on their desks. We also got to look through her Math Journal and Reading Journal. I love seeing what she works on at school. She is so proud and just loves showing us all around.

Which brings us to today!! At the end of every six weeks, Makayla's school has an assembly to announce the awards for the SOARing students for that six weeks. Each class has one per six weeks. And today was Makayla's day!!! She got the SOAR Award!!!! I was crying the whole time, but let me back up a second.

So obviously my girls know Daddy leaves for work before they go to school. Since he isn't here and I take them to school, right? Right. Well today Adam was still at home. AND I showered before school, which I NEVER do. So Makayla is asking us all these questions about why all this stuff is going on. "Mommy, why are you getting ready so early?" "Um Mommy, Daddy is always gone before I go to school. Why is he still at home?" So I'm making up all these things: "I wanted to get ready early today because Mittens woke me up meowing." (True.) "Daddy got up late so he is going to work later." (Not really true.) She's inquisitive, that one.

Adam drove in his car to the school so M wouldn't know anything. Obviously. Did I mention she had NO IDEA she was getting this award? Because she didn't. It was a total surprise. After I dropped her off, I parked and stayed in the car with the littles for a few minutes, waiting for Adam. We went inside and sat at the back of the auditorium waiting and waiting and waiting. She came in, didn't see us, sat down. All's good. :)

I taped when they said her teacher's name so I could record what her teacher had to say about her. I was crying the whole time because how can you not? My daughter, MY DAUGHTER, got the highest award at her school. How amazing is that?! So her guidance counselor read this beautiful note that her teacher wrote about her and how she SOARs everywhere she goes and then they said her name right at the end. Since she had no idea, she got up, had the most shocked look on her face, threw her hands up to her mouth, and then walked up to her teacher. It was so precious!!!!! While all that was happening, her guidance counselor said, "Look at her face!" She was the only one that was totally shocked. It was just priceless. I love her so much. And then, when she went back to her seat, all of her classmates were giving her high fives.

I just can't even tell you how proud I am of her. It is a beautiful thing to see all your hard work, as a parent, pay off. To see your child succeed and succeed again and again and again. I know this is NOT about me, but it's an affirmation that I'm doing something right as a Mama. Knowing that she's going to school every day with a great attitude and a beautiful, caring heart, makes everything right in the world.

Makayla, I am so proud of you. I am proud of the girl you are becoming and the heart that you have. I love how you love to help others every chance you get. I love how you don't care about other peoples' differences. You embrace everyone, no matter what. I love that you do quality work all the time and you don't even need to be told! You just do that because it's who you are. You are an amazing and beautiful little girl, inside and out. I love you with every part of me. Also, please stop growing up, no matter how wonderful you are. I love you forever and you always make me proud, award or not.

So that's that. I quit for the weekend. Except not really because we have SO many fun things for this weekend, too! :)

One Year Home!

Today, Kalkidan has been home for ONE YEAR! I still can't believe it. And I still don't know how to feel about it. Just keepin' it real around here. It has been a very long and very hard, hard year.

We've had very many rough patches in bringing our third daughter home. There's been lots of confusion, pain, tears, trauma, screaming, exhaustion, etc. From all of us. I feel like bringing home a two year old that you know pretty much nothing about is one of the hardest things ever. It's NOTHING like bringing home a newborn. Not at all the same. Kalkidan came home with her own personality. She already knew her likes and dislikes. She already knew a language. And then we bring her home two, almost three, years later and EVERYTHING gets flipped upside down for her. We are speaking a different language, have completely different foods, everything smells different. We are all white. She's not. It's a freaking lot.

So, it's been a painful year, to say the least. But it feels like we are getting closer to coming out on the other side. I feel like I get a lot of the hurt and pain because I'm with Kiki 24/7, which makes it harder. Adam is AMAZING at giving me breaks here and there, but with all that we've had going on with moving to Texas and getting everything set up here, it's been hard. He did let me get away for a weekend earlier this month (or was it last?!), but the day in and day out business is exhausting.

I guess that's all I'm going to say about it. I'm not going to tell you that adoption is the best thing that has happened to us because I don't feel that way yet. Does that mean I don't love my middle daughter? No way. I love her so much. I just can't tell you that all the pain and hurt and trauma that comes with bringing her home has been amazing. Because that part hasn't.

But every time she smiles at me? That. That is worth it.

Thoughts on Fundraising.

When we started our adoption, I was all in. Reading other peoples' blogs about their journey to their child. Researching everything I could find on Ethiopia. Going to orphan care conferences. I became totally engrossed in the entire topic of adoption and Ethiopia. I even went a mission trip TO Ethiopia while we were waiting for our referral because I just HAD to get there.

I realize now in all of that time, I somehow became bitter about everything adoption. Why did this person get their referral 'before' other people? Not even before us...they just 'skipped' the line. Why didn't this person donate to our adoption? Why didn't this person sacrificially give to us when we needed it most? I started to think things about certain people that I knew weren't donating to something that was so close to my heart. How could they not care about this as much as I do? Are we even friends?

Those thoughts went through my mind a lot and I'm definitely not proud of that. I lost a lot of friendships during our adoption waiting period. I'm confident that most of those friendships weren't healthy anyway and I'm okay with them being gone. But I also know that I pushed a lot of people away because I didn't think they did enough to support us...at least not what I thought they should be doing.

It's selfish, I know. Selfish to think that I know someone's finances better than they do. Selfish for me to think that every single person I have ever met would want to donate to our adoption. Selfish for me to think that people were as invested in our child as we were. No one else was doing the research I was and it really doesn't matter how many times you tell someone there are 5 million orphans in Ethiopia. They have to see it to believe it and to make it real to them. And now I know that that's okay.

I'm not saying that all of our adoption waiting period was bad. We clearly had TONS of people rally with us, pray for us and support us in every way. And I will forever be thankful and grateful for that. I'm just talking about the other side. The other things I was thinking. They're awful and horrible and I know that. But they are still thoughts that went through my mind at the time. I'm not proud of them.

Now I know I'm in a much better place. When we were adopting, there was this cloud over my whole life...the adoption cloud. And that's not a bad thing if it doesn't take over your life. But for me, when I get obsessed with something, I get obsessed with something. And it becomes unhealthy. And that's what happened when we were fundraising. I was always waiting for this person and that person to donate. And why didn't this other person care enough about us and our child halfway around the world to do something to help us? How could they not see how huge this was??

Like I said, I'm not proud of thinking all of this. But it's the truth. That was my reality. And now I know better. I realize that I will never know everyone's finances. I used to think, 'Why can't each person I know just donate $10??' But really, how could I ever know if that's in their budget? I can't. Because I'm not them. And all of that was so selfish of me to think that every person should donate to us.

Obviously we got funded in a crazy fast amount of time and we had all the money we needed before Kalkidan ever came home. And I am SO grateful for that. I'm so thankful for each person that sacrificed their time and money to help us bring Kalkidan home. Every one of those people will forever be a part of her story and we couldn't have done it without all of them. But ultimately, God is the One that brought her home. He's the One that changed hearts to give financially to our adoption. He knew that we would get fully funded crazy fast and I didn't need to have any of those negative thoughts about anyone.

So right here, right now, I'm letting go of them. I'm not going to feel bad about thinking those things anymore. I'm putting it at the feet of Jesus. Forgiving myself for those thoughts and letting Jesus take control of my thoughts. I know that thinking those things was not right. It took so much time and energy to obsess over something so trivial while God was moving mountains the whole time anyway. And I will always be thankful for God bringing each person into our lives because their funding brought us our Kalkidan. And she saved us in so many ways.

*Comments have been turned off because I don't need anyone's negative thoughts on my old ways of thinking. Thanks for understanding!*

Priority Changes and Good Days.

Today was a good day. It's only been two days since I wrote a very brief post on the mother that I want to be to my children and the ways that I feel I have failed them so far in their little lives, but I see the changes coming out in me already. And this has NOTHING to do with me being awesome and EVERYTHING to do with Christ being awesome IN me. I'm fighting my selfish desires every day. I thought I was fighting them before, but now I know I am. And it's only because of Jesus that I have the ability to do it, even on such a tiny scale.

Before my huge revelation the other night (I mean, it was HUGE. I was broken, in tears, laying in bed just journaling over and over and over.) I would just be waiting for the clock to get to 1pm so I could put everyone down for their naps. And I would do it as fast as possible so I could get on the computer, watch a tv show, read my book, etc. Anything for just ME...no doing chores or thinking about anything else but myself and how to make me happy for a couple hours. But now, now I see how ridiculous that was. I would make Makayla sit in her room for Quiet Time for two, maybe three, hours a day. Just because I didn't want to have to answer the questions she asks or do something else that I just don't want to do.

It's making me feel very raw to write this all out there for public consumption, but I'm just keeping it real. This blog is my life and this is the season I'm in right now. Take it or leave it.

I see now how much I ignored my beautiful and precious daughters. And I don't want to anymore!!!!

Which brings me back to today. :)

Makayla and I had dentist appointments this morning. My mom came over and watched the babies so I could just take Makayla. We had a great time together...talking in the car on the way there, listening to worship music and enjoying each other. Then after that we headed to Panera for lunch and I just sat there and listened to her talk to me. She told me about how her eyes were dripping from the light being too bright in her eyes when the dentist was cleaning her teeth and they put sunglasses on her. (We got seen at the same time so I wasn't with her.) She told me about how everyone LOVES her unicorn hat (FACT!) and that we should buy everyone their own since they love it so much. And I told her that they love it because SHE is wearing it which made her smile.

I got to sow into her life and just love her. Something I really haven't taken the time to do for a very long time. I'm probably being harder on myself than I should be, but I know that since we started our adoption process, my life got sucked in to that. Now that's over. Kalkidan is home and that is where my focus needs to be...on my three daughters. I still love adoption and will advocate for it (and possibly adopt again one day!) and Ethiopia will forever have a place in my heart...I can't stay away for too long, you know. :) But right now? Right now, I am called to this season of loving and putting my everything into my family, including Adam.

Things have gotten turned upside around here with bringing Kalkidan home and everything that happened in between there that life just got all kinds of messed up. I'm refiguring out my priorities right now. And I think for the first time, I feel like I'm on the path to getting them right. Ethiopia and Africa cannot be my main focus. I read other peoples' blogs that say that they have to be focused on that stuff and I start to second guess myself. Should I be focusing on loving and serving the least of these? Right now in this moment? And the honest answer, for me, is no. I can't. Too much damage has been done to our lives in the here and now. And that is where my focus needs to be for this time. I will always love Ethiopia and Africa and one day I will go back. But the Lord is the only one that knows when that will be. And I'm resting in that. I'm putting my all in to my three precious girls, one of whom has only been with us for three months and has serious trauma issues that we all need to work through with her.

So yes. Back to today. Makayla and I had a great time at Panera and then we brought everyone else lunch. We spent some time with her little sisters and Nana, put the babies to bed and Makayla and I got to spend some more time together. Yesterday I shared with Makayla that we would have some Fun Time and then Quiet Time, so Mommy can still have some downtime, but I'm not being as selfish as I was in the past...just a few days ago and for the past several years. We did some workbook pages that she LOVED, played with some Play-Doh and then did a picture search together. It's only an hour each day, because clearly I'm not cured of my selfishness and I never will be...it's human nature, but I have seen such a difference in the way that she acts with having this time just me and her.

I've also noticed a difference in my attitude towards all my girls and towards Adam. Again, this is not to boast about how great I am. It's to boast about how great Christ is! He is the only reason that I have had any of these convictions about how skewed my priorities in life were and how I was spending my time. He is the only reason that I feel called to this season of putting my all in to my family and not desiring to be somewhere else. He is the only reason that I can do these things. It's not at all because of me. I'm a work in progress and nowhere near where I should be, but I am so thankful that God is showing me all that He is right now so that I can be the woman, wife and mother that He wants me to be to glorify His Name.

It's been an amazing last two days. I know it's not much but it's a start and how else can you change if you don't start somewhere?

Also Adam sent me this blog post a couple weeks ago when I was really struggling with liking Kalkidan and rereading it today has helped me so much. He brought it up last night when were talking about all of this mothering stuff and all that God is revealing to me and it is all so true. I didn't adopt Kalkidan to adopt the cause of adoption or to adopt the cause of orphans. While I love those things and believe in them and will advocate for them, I adopted Kalkidan to bring another child into our family to love. For her to have a place to feel safe and call home forever. Our adoption journey is over now so I need to focus on Kalkidan being here...not living in the adoption world. I'm not shutting everyone out that is from our adoption circle, but I can't keep living with talk about court dates and referrals. Those things are all amazing and wonderful...truly they are. But I can't live there right now because that part of our journey is closed. Kalkidan is home and with us forever and she is why we went down the path of adoption in the first place.

Anyway, here's the link: Adopting a Kid, Not a Cause

Forgot to add this part earlier...last night when Adam and I were talking about my failures as a mama, I felt like we should be praying with them and for them more. We pray with them at dinner and at bedtime, but I feel like God wants us to do more. To show them more of Him in the every day. So today on the way home from Panera, we passed a car accident and I asked Makayla if she wanted to pray. She suggested that I pray instead. So I did. Makayla really loved it.

We were home for a few minutes when Makayla asked me to come with her behind the couch...the girls like to hide back there. And she showed me a tiny little cut on her knee. She always shows me her little scrapes and bruises that she gets from every day fun and I usually just tell her I'm sorry that she's hurt and try to validate her feelings. This time, I asked if she wanted me to pray for her. And she said yes. So I did.

This evening before bed she showed me another little scrape and we prayed for that one, too. It really made her feel better and I think that's the best kind of validation that I can give her. That every little thing matters to me. And even bigger is that every little thing matters to Jesus. And she can take it all to Him. All the time.

When Addi woke up from her nap today, she stuck her arm out and I asked her if it was hurting her and she said, 'Deah. (yeah)'. So I asked her if I could pray for it and she said yes, so I did. She was so happy when I was finished.

While we were putting the babies to bed, Makayla came into their room with a little stuffed doggy and said, "I want to give this to someone, maybe like my sisters or one of my friends that doesn't have a doggy. Or maybe someone that doesn't have a doggy. Because I have so many and I want somebody to have one, too!" So she put it by the stairs and asked us to leave it there for her to take to preschool in the morning. Adam and I both told her how proud we are of her and how she is being so generous in wanting to give something to someone else that doesn't have what she has. It was so beautiful seeing her precious, loving heart played out in action. I mean, I've seen it before but this was a new way that I haven't seen before. We just kept telling her how great it is that she wanted to do that for someone else.

I really, really love my daughters.

Happy Birthday, Kalkidan!

We have had such a busy few months...doing two Christmases and celebrating Makayla's birthday and figuring out life around here. It's been crazy! And after all that, Kalkidan's third birthday was just around the corner...today!!!

Dear Sweet Kalkidan,

You have been home for less than three months. We are all still getting to know you and learn what makes you tick.

You are a silly, spunky little thing! You love to scream which sometimes makes your Mommy crazy, but we're working through that. :)

You have been sleeping through the night since you came home and that has been a dream!! You don't nap consistently, though. I'm pretty sure you just hang out and play and poop in your diaper. But that's okay! You need some downtime in your day, too.

You LOVE spending time with your sisters. So much. It's so sweet for me to see...at least when everyone is being nice to each other, that is. :)

You are catching on to English so quick! You can say Mommy, Daddy, Sissy, Addi, no, yeah, please, milk (milt), thank you, all done, okay, bye. And you can make small, short sentences out of those words, as well!

You have to check everything out everywhere we go. You love to grab things and figure out what they are and what they do. You test the limits a lot. I know that's just part of who you are.

You get really sad when I leave to go anywhere and you aren't coming. You try to get your shoes to come with me, too. I take this as a good sign that you're attaching to me as your Mommy.

You have called some other people mommy over these past few months, but over time, I know that will stop. It must be so hard for you to come here and have just one person taking care of you.

We are working so hard to bond with you, sweet one. We have had some difficult times when you just scream and scream and scream, but God has been so gracious in those times...even when it doesn't feel like it.

Your Daddy and I are so thankful that you are our sweet middle child. You have changed us. You have especially changed me. You've given me more patience than I ever could imagine, all while testing my patience! ;) I am so thankful that God chose you to be part of our family, Kalkidan. I pray that you know every day how much you are loved by your whole family.

This was a big birthday for us. I don't think you have ever celebrated your birthday before this year. It was so special to us to be able to have our little family celebrate YOU and your sweet life! A moment we will never forget for sure. We didn't have a big party or anything...we didn't want to overload you with people that you don't know. Maybe next year you will be ready to have some friends over!

I love you forever,
Mommy

Spunky little three year old!!

Love this beautiful face. 

This family will love you forever, sweet one!!

Opening your gifts from Ethiopia!! :)

And your sweet Tiana dress that Daddy and Makayla got for you!

Your first birthday cupcake.

2012 Recap.

2012 has been quite a year for our little family! We have had some pretty significant changes come this year and there is no way I could be any more thankful! We have been beyond blessed and I'm really looking forward to seeing what 2013 has in store for all of us!! So, here's my little recap of 2012 for us...

January
We had Makayla's 4th birthday party with family and friends! So fun!
We celebrated being DTE (Dossier To Ethiopia) for three months! We thought we were going to be on the wait list for much, much longer. Little did we know the HUGE plans God had in mind for our family of four...
We also started sponsoring our sweet boy, Habtamu, in Adami Tulu, Ethiopia!!

February
Addison started walking!!
We had a spaghetti fundraiser at my MIL's church for our adoption. It was amazing!
We celebrated our one year 'adoption talk' anniversary. :)
I announced that I would be going on a mission trip to Ethiopia in June!
We celebrated four months DTE!
We got fully funded for our referral fee for our adoption!!

March
We went to the More4Orphans summit with our good friends, Adam and Ashley. It was a life changing weekend, to say the least.
We celebrated five months DTE!
I got all my travel shots for my mission trip.
Adam and I went to a marriage conference at our church and while we were there, Makayla fell off her bike. It took all I had to not run out of church to be with my girl.
I got fully funded for my mission trip!!

April
I went to Maryland solo to see Rusty, Janelle and baby Genova! Surprise visit to Delaware to see Brian, too!
We celebrated 6 months DTE!
We went to the zoo and to the library with good friends and had good times.
We were blessed by a dear friend that announced a photography fundraiser for our adoption.

May
Adam and I both turned 28 years old!
We celebrated 7 years of marriage at Empress Taytu!
We also celebrated 7 months DTE!
I had a great Mother's Day and even had a little tea at Makayla's preschool.
We went to a Cleveland Indians game with the girls, thanks to Adam's work! We were also on the Jumbo Screen while we were there, which was totally awesome!
Janelle came for a visit from Maryland!
I was busy preparing for my first ever trip out of the country!!
We changed our request for our adoption from 0-24 months to 0-2 years. Not huge, but obviously significant over the next coming months. :)

June
This was probably the most significant month of my life this year!! SO much happened and I don't think I blogged about any of it nearly enough.
I left for Ethiopia at the beginning of the month and had a life changing trip.
While in Ethiopia, we got our referral for our amazingly beautiful daughter and the very next day, I got to meet her!!
After I returned from Ethiopia, I was wrecked. I didn't know how to function in life and could not get any of Ethiopia out of my mind.
Addison turned 2 years old!!
Two short weeks after I returned 'home', Adam and I were back on a plane to Ethiopia for our court date!

July
We spent the first ten days of July in Ethiopia...much like the first days of June for me!
We passed court on July 6th and Kalkidan Grace is officially our daughter!!!
We had an amazing mission trip/bonding trip in Ethiopia.
We came home, brokenhearted, to be leaving Kalkidan in Ethiopia, but God has just the right plans for us. We also brought home four host children. It was an eventful flight home. :)

August
We got submitted to Embassy for Kalkidan on August 10th!! We are waiting to be cleared by embassy.
Kalkidan's case stopped moving for a bit, so Adam and I decided it would be best for me to head to Ethiopia to visit with her. We still kept up hope that Kalkidan would be cleared to come home while I was there. I spent two weeks in Ethiopia waiting to hear about Kalkidan and then BAM. The door was closed. I had to leave without Kalkidan. It was heartbreaking.

September
September was the hardest month of my year. I was stretched and pulled more ways that I thought possible.
NOTHING about Kalkidan's case moved. It was heartbreaking yet again.

October
It was another difficult month in our house. Things were just really, really hard. Adjusting and figuring out our new normal took over everything in my life. I literally cannot remember anything we did this month. Nothing.

November
We cleared Embassy on November 6th!!!!! I tried to get to Ethiopia the next week, but for some reason, they were not taking appointments. We got our appointment for November 19th!
I left for Ethiopia on November 17th and I was back in the country that has forever stolen my heart for the fourth time in six months!!! Only God...
November 18th is the day that I picked up Kalkidan from the Transition Home for the very last time. She is our daughter FOREVER!!!!
Kalkidan and I get home on November 22nd, Thanksgiving Day!! It was a special, special day for our family. We are a family of five!!!!
Every day for the month of November, everyone in our family shared one thing that they are thankful for. It was so much fun to hear what the girls came up with and such a blessing to remember all of the things we have to be thankful for every single day.

December
We are getting used to life as a family of FIVE. I still can't believe this is my life! Having a sweet new daughter that comes from a really hard place is, well, really hard. We have all had to do some adjusting. We've been under a lot of stress and it has taken its toll on the whole family.
We did something fun and Christmas related every day until Christmas, which helped us connect as a family. The girls all really enjoyed it!
Makayla turned 5 years old on Christmas Day!

Our lives have been turned upside down this year. It has been nothing short of chaos and even though chaos comes with a lot of stress, I would not change any of it for the world.

I am SO looking forward to a new start and a fresh beginning! 2013 is going to be just as amazing as 2012, I can feel it! I'm also going to get my tattoos tomorrow that I've been waiting too long to get, so I'm pretty stinking excited about that! God is SO good and I can't wait to see what He has in store for me and for my precious family in 2013! Happy New Year!!

Kalkidan is HOME!!

I know this post is long overdue, but that's just my life right now. We have been home for two weeks and five days today. Kalkidan and I got home from Ethiopia on Thanksgiving Day. It was a L.O.N.G. journey home. We were stuck in the Ethiopia airport for seven hours longer than expected and of those seven hours, we were on a busted plane for three hours. Then we had to get off the busted plane, board another plane and finally, we left Ethiopia at 5 am. We should have left at 10:15 pm. Kalkidan was such a trooper during it all!! She slept the whole time we were on the busted plane, so it kind of sucked to have to wake her up to get her off, but we got through it. :)

Then we flew 17 hours to Washington DC. We stopped in Rome to refuel and that was pretty awesome. I took that time to get Kalkidan up and moving around for a bit. It was about 9 am when we landed there, so we went to the back of the plane and got a little glimpse of Italy. I hope to see more of it one day! Once we got to DC, we had obviously missed our connecting flight, but thanks to my awesome friend Erica and my awesome husband, who I texted while we were stuck in Ethiopia, Kalkidan had a seat on the next plane to Cleveland. Somehow, someone was confused in DC, so it took a while to get me a ticket, but we got them. I had to run to our gate, which is not easy carrying a 35 pound toddler that is beyond exhausted. She refused to walk so when I would put her down, she just stood there and cried. That was the hardest part of the trip home and I'm so thankful it's over. We got to the gate with 1 minute to spare, landed in Cleveland just fine and the fam was waiting to greet us with a big sign! It was a nice little welcome home and just perfect for our scared little girl.

From the day I went to get her from the Transition Home...November 18th.

So on these two weeks and five days since Kalkidan has been home, we have all had to do some adjusting around here. It's really hard getting used to having another member in the family. Yes, we have wanted Kalkidan home for so long and we have prayed for her to come home and we are so thrilled that she is a part of our family forever, but that does not mean that there aren't adjustments for all of us. Kalkidan and Addison are four months apart, so I pretty much have twins now, which is difficult to figure out. We haven't gone many places because I just don't think I can figure out how to get two toddlers anywhere right now.

The day after I picked her up forever. And her new fro. :)

She cries a lot...mostly when we tell her no or try to put her down for a nap. We are all trying to figure out our new places and how to all get along together. She is sleeping in our room for now so that we can be close to her if she wakes up in the middle of the night. Which she happened to do a lot for the first week or so. She still wakes up sometimes during the night, but now I can just go put the blanket back on her and tell her to go back to sleep and she's fine.

Everything is an adjustment around here, but we are figuring it out. Makayla and Addison have been bossing her around a lot and not including her as much as I thought they would. But I think that's pretty typical behavior. They really wanted her to come home, too, but now that she's here, they are trying to figure out how to include her and share life with her.

Our first photo as a family of six!! I still can't believe this is my life. :)

I've been telling people that ask me how it's going that it's really like having a 3 year old newborn. Everything is new to Kalkidan. She doesn't know much English so we are trying to teach her everything right now. She still doesn't know that we are her Mommy and Daddy forever. At night it's really hard because if Adam tries to take her from me, she cries with tears streaming down her face. This only happens at night, though...not during any other time.

It's hard because we don't know the trauma that she has endured in her life. We know very little of her story before she came to us, none of which we will be sharing. It is her personal story so if she wants to share it when she is older, she can do that, but we won't be making that decision for her. So we don't know what triggers some of her emotions and why, which makes it difficult to try to remedy the problem.

So yeah. Life here is hard. We are getting through it day by day and literally taking it one step at a time. I think everything that we are experiencing is totally normal because having an adopted child come home is no different than having a biological child come home. I mean, it is different in some ways, like your bio kids don't have trauma that you will never know all the details of, but it's the same in that everyone needs to figure out how to get along. And life changes with each new addition to the family, no matter how they enter the family.

We have had some super sweet moments of course, too. And no matter what, the good always outweighs the bad. We press on through the bad times, pray through it all, and hope that we will all do better the next day.

Kalkidan is such a sassy little thing and she was meant to be a part of our family. We are so blessed by her presence in our home. She makes us laugh every single day with her silly little antics. When I put her in her car seat, she scrunches up her nose just like I do because it is so dang hard to fit that belly in her seat belt. :) Also, her diapers stink far worse than any other diaper I have ever smelled (still waiting to find out of she has giardia. I say yes.) and so I cover my nose with my shirt every time I change her and now she does the same thing. She is hilarious and is picking up things so well with taking in so many new things at one time.

Yesterday we dropped Makayla off at preschool and Kalkidan blew her a kiss and said 'Ciao!'. Then Addi said, 'Bye sissy!' and Kalkidan said, 'Bye sissy!'. It was so precious!! She also says: Mommy, Daddy, No, Thank you, Please, Ababa (Daddy in Amharic), Nay (come), Bie (eat), Ow (yes) and some other things I just can't remember right now.

Daddy and his littles.

And just one more thing, mostly for my records, but I thought you might like to see the difference between my little twinsies height and weight. :)

Kalkidan on Dec. 4th: 34 inches and 33 1/2 pounds
Addison on Oct. 15th: 32 inches and 23 3/4 pounds

They tell me Addison is too skinny (5th percentile) and Kalkidan is too short (5th percentile) so maybe they just meet in the middle? HAHA!

That's all I can think of right now. A friend of mine posted this quote on Facebook the other day and I can't stop thinking about it. It's totally my life right now, but I wouldn't want it any other way. God is good. Always.

"Remember, one who enjoys more is bound to suffer more because he becomes very sensitive. But suffering is not bad. If you understand it rightly, suffering is a cleansing. If you understand it rightly, sadness has a depth to it which no happiness can ever have. A person who is simply happy is always superficial. A person who has not known sorrow and has not known sadness, has not known the depths. He has not touched the bottom of his being; he has remained just on the periphery. One has to move within these two banks. Within these two banks flows the river." -Osho